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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653546">Love, Loss, and Hot Wannabe Tall Guys</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefertaricezn/pseuds/nefertaricezn'>nefertaricezn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Far Cry 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, he tries his best, i dont know what im doing, im trying, probably ooc pagan, unedited as well</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:40:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23653546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefertaricezn/pseuds/nefertaricezn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Esha is a single mother who was saved from the clutches of death by Pagan Min. WIth her daughter, Abha, she decided to stay with him both to find ways to repay her debt and thank him, and provide a home for Esha. This takes place a few years after they originally first met so there is already an established friendship.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Pagan Min/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Again, terribly sorry for what happened. This is more what I had in mind.” </p><p> </p><p>Esha looked at the man to her left as he spoke, but her gaze trailed down the table to his guest of honor. He looked like a child with the look of confusion on his face, but she was certain he was fairly young regardless. </p><p> </p><p>“So, fresh start. Introductions. Ajay Ghale, our guest of honor; Paul, our very gracious host; Esha, my dearest friend, and her daughter, Abha. And the little monkey who’s name I still do not know.” He gestured around the table as he went, stopping when Abha reached out from her highchair to grab at his hand. “And I, of course, am Pagan Min.”</p><p> </p><p>Ajay looked at him, clearly not knowing who this Pagan was. </p><p> </p><p>“You really don’t remember me, do you? Your mother, she never spoke of me, never mentioned me?” He looked sad for a moment before he waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, we’ll change all of that. Paul, I need cash.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha looked at him, curious as to what he had planned, but knew better than to question a man like Pagan Min. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh, how much do you need?” Paul took out his wallet, looking through it. </p><p> </p><p>“All of it. Thank you, here we are.” He held a Kyrati rupee in his hand, next to his head. When there was no reaction from Ajay, he chose another rupee. “All right, how about this, with the smile?”</p><p> </p><p>It took one other rupee for Ajay to come up with a reasonable reaction. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s you.” He murmured, the first thing he most likely said since coming here. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s me.” Pagan agreed, turning the rupee to look at it, a small sigh leaving his lips. “Though, I’m not so sure anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>He set the money down before turning to the urn, opening it. “Now your mother, your mother on the other hand, she understood me. She knew me in a way that no one ever did.” He sighed, tilting the ash as he dipped a finger in, bringing it to his lips for a taste. “Mm. That brings me back.”</p><p> </p><p>He set the lid of the urn down, holding the urn with a fond gaze. “The last time I saw Ishwari was years ago. She told me she loved me. Women, they can do that. They can tell you they love you in the moment and mean it, men on the other hand? No, men only really love you in hindsight. When too much distance has built up -” he set the urn down “- So when your mother decided to flee to the United States with you on her hip, I couldn’t help but blame myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha watched as the king stood, crab fork in hand as he approached Ajay’s friend, knowing full well what was going to happen. </p><p> </p><p>“Pagan, careful.” She warned, gaze drifting to the baby that was watching him with wide eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Then I realized it, it’s not me. No. It was the fucking Golden Path.” He only offered Esha a small smile showing he understood what she was warning him about as he walked behind Ajay’s friend. He slammed his head into the plate, stabbing him in the neck with the fork. “Those fucking terrorists, they ruin everything. Like dinner. Did no one ever teach you that it’s rude to text at the table?”</p><p> </p><p>Abha giggled clapping her hands at the sudden movement, having been too young and innocent to know that she should not be giggling at this.  </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s see here. Give me the phone.” He whacked the man’s arm until he moved it. “Really guys? We’re not checking for these anymore? Ah, “I’m with Ajay Ghale.” You’ll love this part. “Help.” A text, for help. You don’t text for help, you cry for help. So, come on, you’re going to cry for help.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha cleared her throat. “Pagan, <em> enough </em>. You wouldn’t want to scare Abha, would you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I…” He furrowed his brow before yanking the fork out. “I suppose not, you’re right. You’ll have to forgive me Ajay, Esha truly is my better half. She keeps me quite grounded. Paul, take this little monkey and see what he knows.”</p><p> </p><p>Paul stood and grabbed the monkey, leaving the room with him in his hold. </p><p> </p><p>Esha smiled respectfully, but squirmed under the attention she was being given. “It’s nothing, nothing at all. I’m only doing what I do best.” She shrunk in her seat, hoping the attention would go elsewhere.</p><p> </p><p>Pagan’s phone rang and he slowly made his way out, telling him to stay and enjoy the crab rangoon. </p><p> </p><p>Ajay turned to grab the urn, quickly closing it. “Is he always…. like that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm? Like what? Oh… well, if you mean the fork, usually yes. He’s very temperamental, but he is not without his kindness. I wouldn’t think too much on his behavior, Ajay. He’s…. reaccustoming himself to having more people around.” Esha lifted a crab rangoon off of her plate, waving it around like a bird in front of Abha. “You’ll learn to get used to it, if you decide to stay a little while longer after returning your mother to Lakshmana.” </p><p> </p><p>“Who...who was Lakshmana? She never spoke of her, and when she did, it was pretty vague.” He cleared his throat, looking down at the urn.</p><p> </p><p>Esha frowned, looking at Abha. “She was Ishwari and Pagan’s daughter, his pride and joy. You could tell when he had seen Lakshmana just by the smile on his face. She was to turn two, but she was killed.” She was uneasy to even tell him this and it showed as she nervously shoved food into her mouth to avoid saying anything more. “Listen, it was his daughter. If you want to know more, it must come from him. I’m merely just his friend.”</p><p> </p><p>Ajay looked at her, but said nothing more as he sat in silence, choosing the option to enjoy the crab rangoon. </p><p> </p><p>“Is Abha his?” Innocent question enough. </p><p> </p><p>She laughed, shaking her head. “No, no. Though he does adore her, it is for some other reason. Her father abandoned us the moment he laid eyes on her and saw that her skin was light. Accused me of adultery and ruined my reputation. I was lucky enough to have met Pagan when I did, if not for him I’m sure Abha and I would’ve died.” She smiled down at her daughter, squishing her chubby cheeks. “It’s cute that you think she’s his, though. It’s sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>He flushed, looking down and was going to say something else before Pagan returned, a joyous smile on his face as he sauntered in. </p><p> </p><p>“Did you enjoy the crab rangoon?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but was caught off from saying more when screaming echoed through the halls. “Ah, you will have to forgive that. Someone isn’t cooperating as well as they should.”</p><p> </p><p>Abha gurgled and slammed her hands on the trey of the highchair, squeals leaving her lips as she watched Pagan return and take his seat beside her. </p><p> </p><p>“Let us finish our meal, shall we?” He clasped his hands together, smiling. “Anything interesting happen while I was gone, hm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just small talk about Abha, nothing much.” Esha chirped, omitting the sensitive topic of Lakshmana. “Yuma will be coming in later. She wants to talk to you about something, but she never said what.”</p><p>“Probably for the best, you know. Wouldn’t want dear Abha getting caught in the crossfires of my business, no?” He chuckled, a dangerous, warning tone to his voice. “Now, it would be a waste to let this food grow cold. Let’s celebrate Ajay Ghale’s return to Kyrat!”</p><p> </p><p>Esha furrowed her eyebrows at his words, knowing full well he’d never let any harm come to Abha, not if he could help it. She ate in silence as Pagan rambled on to Ajay with some interruptions from Abha every now and again.</p><p> </p><p>When the meal was over, however, he had a help lead Ajay to his room. Pagan remained with Esha who was thoroughly savoring the food as she shared the crab rangoon filling with Abha.</p><p> </p><p>“I trust that you will ensure you will make sure he doesn’t stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.” He murmured quietly, lifting Abha from her chair and into his lap. “We don’t want him joing that fucking Golden Path now do we? No, we don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha smiled softly at him. “Only if you teach me how to fight. It’ll be much safer if you do, and you can still keep some guards with you, or stationed at posts.” She retorted, watching him. “She loves you, you know. I think she’d love you even more if you taught me how to fight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, well, I suppose doing so wouldn’t be too difficult. Ajay could accompany us.” He hummed, although there was some doubt in his mind. “It could be a bonding moment for us all!”</p><p> </p><p>“A bonding moment of shooting things?” She raised an eyebrow at him. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes! We can tear shit up!” He nodded, standing as he bounced Abha in the air. “Wouldn’t that be fun, Abha? Yes, yes it would. You’d have so much fun, wouldn’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s a baby, Pagan Min. You will not introduce her to guns, or killing people. It’s bad enough you stab people in front of her.” She scolded, a frown on her face. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s never too early. She must learn to fend off all the boys that may like her in the future, you know.” He handed Abha over to Esha with a cry of disapproval coming from the baby. </p><p> </p><p>Esha narrowed her eyes at him as she set Abha on her hip. “You’re insane, Pagan. Absolutely insane. She is a baby! Teaching her to stab things is bad parenting! You have to teach her to fight with her hands!”</p><p> </p><p>“She will be a perfectly capable young girl if she is anything like her mother. Of course, she is much too young now, perhaps when she is able to keep herself upright, then.” He tutted before smiling at Esha. </p><p> </p><p>“Flattery won’t get you anywhere, Pagan. You should know this by now.” She tsked and patted his arm. “I’ve got to go into town later, so I trust that Abha will be safe with you. Again, do not do anything too terrible in front of her. If I find out you did, I will hurt you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, <em> feisty </em>. I like it.” He quipped, a smirk playing at his lips. </p><p> </p><p>She looked at him, eyes narrowed. “Thank you for the meal, <em> My King </em>. I’ve got work to do now, so you know where to find me if you need me.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha didn’t wait much longer for any reaction from him and left the room, heading towards her room to begin working. She wasn’t like any other member of Pagan’s so called “court,” as she more often than not did the little things like sewing or repairing clothes. She was pretty handy with a needle, and took to cleaning and repairing any clothing Pagan sought fit. Sometimes she would even craft new outfits for him, such as the pink jacket he had worn at the meal with Ajay. It was difficult, but that was fine with her.</p><p> </p><p>She was repairing one of his coats that had been torn, although it was a lot more than a tear. He was very clearly getting into a few more squabbles with the guards, as the bloodstains were quite…. pronounced. </p><p> </p><p>“He is such a messy man, isn’t he, Abha?” She turned to look at her daughter standing in the crib. “Nothing I’m not used to with a messy eater like you!” </p><p> </p><p>Abha squealed, as if disapproving of her words. </p><p><br/>Esha sighed, a small frown on her face. “Maybe one day Kyrat will be safe enough for you to go out and have fun. Maybe.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Everyday was the same in the palace, especially considering the danger that was being remotely related to Pagan in any way. He was a very… </span>
  <em>
    <span>unpopular</span>
  </em>
  <span> individual among some of his citizens which was only </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> worrying for a single mother like Esha!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had left Abha in the care of her sitter, and sat in the courtyard, working on a batch of clothes she had to repair for Pagan (something she did by her own free will mind you,) when she heard the familiar click of Pagan’s fancy shoes behind her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Working again, are we? I can just buy new shirts, you know.” He huffed as he sat down beside her, leaning back against the step. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I like doing this. It gives me something nice to do around here.” She waved him off, a gentle smile on her face. “What brings you to my quaint step? I thought you and Ajay would be doing some bonding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugged and looked at her, balancing his pen on his finger. “He’s off getting lost, I believe. You know how children are when you bring them to new places.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it smart to leave him alone? I don’t think it’s very wise to leave him unattended around here. It is not so hard for him to find things you won’t like him seeing.” She murmured, gaze drifting to the halls behind them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do I have to hide from him? The only thing I have is your beauty. He can’t take that, now can he?” He snickered lightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha couldn’t keep the smile off her face and tutted. “I told you many times before that flattery will get you nowhere. I don’t know why you still do it if it earns you nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your reactions are enough for me.” He tucked his pen away into the inside pocket of his jacket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do so enjoy watching me be embarrassed, don’t you?” She sighed heavily and returned her focus on the shirt she had made mere days prior. “You’re a king and you find better use of your time embarrassing a humble old tailor like me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Old? You’re the epitome of beauty and youth.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Grandpa. I’ve got work to do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She threw one of the unfinished shirts at him, hoping it would get her point across as she turned her entire and full attention to her project. It wasn’t that she hated him, or disliked him, but it was more so the fact that he was a dangerous man and no matter how attractive and kind he was, her daughter came first and foremost. Perhaps she’d indulge in his flattery one day, but for now she had to ensure the safety of Abha before she could ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>dream</span>
  </em>
  <span> of romance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come have dinner with me. We can have your favorite meals, a candlelit dinner, anything you want.” He held her wrist, keeping her from doing more work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha tilted her head at him, biting her lip. “Pagan, I appreciate your offer, but not now. Perhaps one day, soon maybe, I will join you on that offer. But I cannot put myself, or any other person, before Abha. She is my entire world, you know that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked frustrated for a moment before nodding. “I understand completely. A child’s safety is always of utmost importance.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t press him further or add anything else to the topic. “You still have yet to train me, you know.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In time. I promise you will get your training, but I need to make sure the Golden Path is handled before doing so. I don’t want to give them any chances of taking anything else.” He frowned, a dangerous look in his eyes that told Esha just what he was thinking of doing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hand rested on his shoulder, a frown on her face. “You can train me here. I’ll be fine. I’ve seen you fight before and you’re quite capable of doing so anyways. I’m not as delicate as I seem, Pagan, I can take a few hits.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you insist, but if you start crying, don’t blame me.” He was still in a dangerous mood, so she knew better than to test his patience. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. It would take quite a bit to make me cry, anyways.” She nudged him lightly, a smile on her face. “Come on, it’ll be fun. You get to teach me how to protect myself and you get to learn restraint and not killing someone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be the death of me, I hope you know that.” He stood and held a hand out to her. “Come on, you’ll need more combat ready clothing. It would be unfair of me to ruin such nice pants.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pagan Min! I swear to Kyra that I will punch you </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> in the jaw!” She hissed, whacking his arm as she crouched to pick up the basket of clothes she was fixing. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to be the death of you? More like </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to be the death of me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good! Internalize all that annoyance and let it fuel you! You’ll need a lot of it for training.” He patted her head before offering her his arm. “We’ll start with hand to hand. Do you know anything about that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This will be fun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Esha fell to the ground with a thud, groaning loudly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get up. You’d be dead by now if I was your enemy.” He jabbed his foot into her side before pulling her up by her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been doing this for </span>
  <em>
    <span>hours</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Pagan. I am literally dying.” She practically crumpled before weakly returning to her fighting stance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan regarded her curiously before sighing. “It seems a short break is in order.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She collapsed onto the floor. “Oh, thank Kyra. I thought you would’ve kept going until I </span>
  <em>
    <span>died</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re so overdramatic, Esha. You need to exercise more and maybe this wouldn’t be so difficult for you. This is the fourth break in the last two hours, you’d be lucky if anything I taught you stuck.” He snickered, poking light fun.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She lifted her head up. “For an old man, you sure do fight like you’re twenty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am quite resilient for my age, you know. Hope this teaches you not to underestimate me.” He retorted, grabbing a glass of water from a table in the corner of the room. He handed it to her, but had to help her sit upright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thankfully took the glass and took small sips as she relaxed. “I doubt I would ever underestimate you, but to say I’m not surprised at how good you are at fighting would be a lie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am a man of many talents, my dear.” He rolled his eyes, but the smile betrayed his obvious joy in her recognizing his abilities. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have more talents that </span>
  <em>
    <span>aren't </span>
  </em>
  <span>being annoying? I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>shocked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>shocked</span>
  </em>
  <span> I say!” She gasped playfully, a hand over her heart as she set the glass down. “Be still my beating heart!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ve had a long enough break, get up.” He huffed lightly, standing to his feet as he pulled her with him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha let out a loud, annoyed groan, but resumed her previous fighting stance after she moved the glass to the table. She was really not prepared to get flipped upside down once more, or get any more bruises than she already had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Try and land a hit on me this time.” He teased.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Believe it or not, that’s what I’ve been trying to do. Punching your face is my one true goal.” She retorted, lunging forward </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blocked her from punching his face, but was pushed back by a punch to the gut. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, good! You’re learning!” He cheered, but quickly countered another one of her attacks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha swung for a roundhouse kick but Pagan grabbed her and pulled it towards him. She lost balance and for the umpteenth time that session, she was on the floor. She moved her other foot, aiming to end his entire bloodline, but he caught her leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tutted. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>might</span>
  </em>
  <span> not want to do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Says the guy who has been winning this entire time. I’ll do what it takes to bring my enemies down, even if it means playing dirty.” She retorted, shrugging as she crossed her arms. “Is it time for dinner, already? I’m a bit hungry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You did good for your first day.” He dropped her legs and held a hand out for her to take. “Perhaps moving on to using weapons would be best since it’s less -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Less shitty and gives me a better chance of winning?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, now. You still have much to learn from hand to hand combat. No one will ever be good on their first day, you know.” He patted her back and handed her a towel to wipe off the sweat. “You should get cleaned up before dinner. Wouldn’t want to be sweaty and scratched up, now would we?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re an ass.” Esha wiped herself off as best she could before practically limping out of the room, ignoring the not so quiet chuckle from behind her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A warm shower was everything Esha needed, but she knew she couldn’t stay for very long, or else she would most likely miss dinner and would have to eat by herself with Abha - which there was nothing wrong with, but a little conversation where they could all understand one another was nice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was still visibly sore from her session with Pagan, and although that usually may have been a good thing for </span>
  <em>
    <span>various</span>
  </em>
  <span> reasons, she was not that kind of woman and fighting with him seemed a lot harder than she expected. Who knew he was good at something he never seemed to utilize. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She threw on some clean, warm pants and an equally warm shirt before plucking Abha from her sitter and carrying her on her hip as she awkwardly walked towards the dining hall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ajay and Pagan were already there, although it was clear Pagan had taken a shower before coming here, as his hair was slightly wet. Esha caught herself before she could stare too long and took her place to the right of Pagan, setting Abha in her high chair for some well deserved food. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was told you were a local before coming here, Miss Esha.” Ajay cleared his throat as he watched Esha feed the ever stubborn Abha. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha furrowed her brow, frustrated that Abha wouldn’t accept the ‘airplane.’ “Well, yes. It’s much better here, though, quieter. Gives little Abha here a chance to not be overwhelmed by anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How’d you end up here, if you don’t mind my asking?” His gaze flicked to Pagan, but it was understandable, since he seemed to think Esha was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> girl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused. “Got shunned by my village, the usual Tuesday in Kyrat.” She laughed when she saw his surprised face. “My village was extremely traditional. Arranged weddings, things of the like. The man I was supposed to marry was not kind. When I had Abha, he immediately assumed I was cheating as Abha looked nothing like him. Freshly born babies look like potatoes, mind you. And it tumbled out of control.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that… It’s good you found a better place to be.” He nodded lightly, turning his gaze down to his food. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why apologize? I don’t care. He was an ass anyways. At least here, the only ass is teaching me how to fight.” She glanced innocently towards Pagan who forced a polite smile, although it was clear something was bothering him. “You alright, Pagan?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just got some rather unfortunate news, but yes. I only hope our </span>
  <em>
    <span>guest</span>
  </em>
  <span> doesn’t follow in his father’s footsteps and work with the Golden Path. How treacherous that would be.” He sneered, clasping his hands together. “I do so hope you wouldn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They sought me out, I didn’t -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s solve this civilly please. The Golden Path is no friend of ours, but Ajay, you must understand, being near them is dangerous.” She set a hand on Pagan’s leg, keeping him from saying anything further to damage what little relationship he had with the boy. “They are our enemies. The things they’ve done are..... painful to say the least. It’s best not to be near them if you know what’s good for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan cleared his throat and sat upright. “She makes a good point, as always. You shouldn’t be near such disgusting people. It’s safest for you to remain here!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They are only people worried for their families, Pagan. They are not all as evil as you say they are.” Ajay narrowed his eyes at the monarch. “They have a reasonable cause.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did they have reasonable cause to murder a child? Did they?!” He slammed his fists on the table, the dangerous look normally present in his eyes spilling into his actions. “They are killers, terrorists. They have no place in my country.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abha giggled at his short temper, but was shushed by Esha who was more or less trying to get her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> encourage Pagan’s short fuse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And they seem to think the same of you!” Ajay snapped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ajay, Pagan, </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You two are so much like bickering children, I might as well treat you as such. What a wonderful family this is. Single mother and two bickering children. Should I put you in the corner so you will learn to behave?” She narrowed her eyes at the two men. “I am well adjusted to Pagan’s temper, Ajay. Do not feed this flame.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both men found themselves quiet, but both for </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> different reasons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan looked at her as if she were the most attractive woman to walk the planet which might not have been far from the truth in his opinion, but being yelled at by a five foot two woman wasn’t exactly much to gawk at.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good, you both decided to be quiet. Now we can have dinner like a functional family.” She didn’t say much else on the matter and alternated between feeding herself and feeding Abha. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything in her just wanted to yell at Pagan for not acting like the adult he was, but some part of her pitied him. He was acting only as what he knew, having been quite reclusive before he had met her. She couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>honestly</span>
  </em>
  <span> expect much from a man who had lost everything to the Golden Path. But she couldn’t help him unless he wanted to be helped, and with his stubbornness, he would never admit it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps what he said about men only truly loving when too much distance has built up was true. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glanced at him, watching his face contort in obvious displeasure with Ajay’s words, but he didn’t act on it. Only breathing in slowly and exhaling before putting on the usual cheery front she was accustomed to seeing. It made her sad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If… you want to listen to what the Golden Path says, perhaps you could act as a spy for us? Before you object, hear me out. I admit, neither side is humane with what they want, and how they get it.” Esha looked at Ajay. “Both sides kill and slaughter, but I think you could find some valuable information. The time for reasonable discussions with them are over, Ajay. They’re here to kill and if we can prevent it… we can prevent further bloodshed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan wanted to argue that sending Ishwari’s son into the flames of the fire would end with him killed, but he listened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ajay looked at her. “And what if what they’re doing is only in retaliation to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Each side does something in retaliation to the other. I’ve been here long enough to see Kyrat stuck in a catch twenty-two. Change won’t happen easily, but as someone who grew up here in Kyrat, what we need is to end the rivalry.” She shrugged lightly. “I’ve learned a lot in my time with Pagan, and one of those things is that we’ve long passed the time for sitting at the table and talking. Something more must be done.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just go in and spy, then, if you’re so sure it’ll do anything.” He leaned back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha stared at him for a moment. “Did no one tell you how your mother met Pagan? No? Okay.” She leaned her chin in her palm. “You’re a smart kid and I see that you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> vouching for them right now, but unfortunately sending someone who doesn’t know how to properly fight isn’t exactly the best idea, if you didn’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you hope to get out of doing this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Peace, a Kyrat in which the civil unrest isn’t so prominent.” Pagan spoke up, annoyed that he dare suggest sending Esha into the frontlines of a fight with his enemies. “I have made attempts once, to fix this… this unrest. I have </span>
  <em>
    <span>tried</span>
  </em>
  <span> to repair the Kyrat they have destroyed and what happened? They. Didn’t. Listen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ajay quieted at that, unsure of how to proceed with Pagan telling him he had made attempts to fix things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you quiet down, hm? I made a promise to Ishwari, Ajay, but whether you stand with me or against me is up to you, and I cannot guarantee your safety if you stand against me.” Pagan neatly clasped his hands together, a sweet smile on his face. “I do hope you make the right decision, Ajay. I would hate for my promise to Ishwari to be broken in any way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ajay kept silent and Pagan took this proudly, having won this small spat. It was a tiny victory, but it was clear he enjoyed the win regardless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha was glad to finally have a chance to eat without interruption, or argument, despite not staying out of it to begin with. She stole glances at Pagan every now and again, watching him scroll through his phone with mild curiosity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He could be so beautiful when he wanted to be.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, Pagan Min was a great many things. He was morally questionable, annoying, chaotic, voted most likely to snort coke off of his partner’s dick, but you get the idea. Beautiful wasn’t a common word to describe him. At least, she wouldn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She cleared her throat lightly. “Well, I’m going to go for a walk. I’m trusting Abha with you, Pagan. If you do anything bad while she’s with you, I will hunt you down myself.” She kissed Abha’s head, earning a light giggle. “I’m watching you, old man. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>constant bickering because this is a family of honor!! Esha's past and why she does what she does will be revealed, promise. For now, get some bickering and abandonment issues</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Esha, in truth, had wanted a little time for herself where she could stop paying attention to everything. She felt guilty for wanting some time of her own, even if it was important that she take a break. It was like she was betraying Abha by being so far away from her, even if she was in the courtyard. </p><p> </p><p>She trusted Pagan, knowing he would never hurt a child, so leaving Abha with him didn’t require much thought. He was like another parent to Abha, and even if her biological father was too much of a coward to be here, they had Pagan. They had someone far more important than that coward. </p><p> </p><p>Relaxing wasn’t possible for Esha once her mind wandered to Abha, worried for her little munchkin. </p><p> </p><p>Ajay came up from behind her, clearing his throat. “Why do you protect him?” </p><p> </p><p>She twisted around quickly, a little unnerved that he had snuck up on her. “Ah, Ajay. You’re quite curious, but I can’t blame you.” She brushed over his question for a moment, watching as he came to sit besides her. </p><p> </p><p>“Because no one else will, Ajay.” She narrowed her eyes once she finally answered his question. </p><p> </p><p>Ajay fell quiet and looked at her, as if questioning her words, but knowing full well that it might have been true. He guessed everyone needed someone, whether they were deserving of that privilege or not. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s, uh, it’s good he has you then.” He murmured, looking down. </p><p> </p><p>“I know it seems like he’s keeping me here as a captive, but I’m here willingly. I stay because I <em> enjoy </em> being with him. He is my friend, hell, even the only father figure Abha may ever know. He is not some <em> king </em> to me.” She shook her head before smiling softly at him. “Maybe one day you’ll see just exactly what I mean, but please, Ajay, whether you stay or join the Path, just please don’t hurt him.”</p><p> </p><p>“They <em> despise </em> him, Esha. They want him dead, and as far as I know, I can’t do anything about it even if I did join them.” He shrugged lightly. “I just got here, too. As far as I know, Pagan <em> is </em> the bad guy and Golden Path is the right side.”</p><p> </p><p>“You will see in time, if you will choose which path to take, or create your own.” She assured, smiling softly. “Just don’t kill him, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you…. <em> like </em>him?” </p><p> </p><p>“What kind of question is that, Ajay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, you’re always at his side. Are you in love with him?”</p><p> </p><p>Esha, understandably laughed for a while, then shook her head. “No, no. I do not love him. He’s a friend, Ajay! I go everywhere with him because other than fixing the clothes he destroys, I’ve got nothing else to do. Abha enjoys following him, and he makes amusing attempts not to be so violent in front of her. It’s wholesome. But I don’t love him.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is like one of those weird romcoms where you guys are actually in love, but too stubborn to admit it.” Ajay laughed lightly, but quieted when he saw her confused face. “You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, not really….Pagan is pretty tight with the kind of media that enters and leaves this place.” She shrugged lightly. “I’ve heard of what goes on out there, but I’m much more content just being here. It’s got it’s wars, but it’s oddly quiet compared to what they say goes on out there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you want to see what kind of life you could have out there?” Ajay tilted his head. </p><p> </p><p>“Not really, no. Kyrat is my home. For as long as Pagan remains here, so will I.” She shrugged quietly. </p><p> </p><p>Esha was curious though, but figured she would ask Pagan about it later since she knew he was born in Hong Kong. Maybe he would offer her some insight on his homeland, if he won’t open up about the rest of the world. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for this. It was nice, but I think I should go and make sure Abha still remembers who her real parent is.” She laughed lightly and stood. </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Pagan had never really made a point to showcase how much he enjoyed spending time with Abha. Either it reminded him of Lakshmana, or something else, but more often than not, he was rarely actually seen holding the baby. This was one of these times.</p><p> </p><p>Esha stood in the doorway of Abha’s nursery, watching Pagan push the rocking chair back and forth with his eyes shut and head leaned back. He had one foot on the floor and the other perched on another chair, most likely trying to get comfortable. Abha was on his chest, one of his hands resting on her back, as she cradled her elephant and slept peacefully. </p><p> </p><p>She wasn’t sure if Pagan was asleep or not, but she couldn’t help but snap a picture of the pair, figuring this was a moment she might not catch ever again. </p><p> </p><p>A smile adorned her face as she slowly walked in, reaching for a blanket to cover the two, mostly Abha, but Pagan could benefit too. He twitched slightly and opened an eye to look at her. </p><p> </p><p>“Speak a word of this and I’ll -”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll what, Pagan? Cuddle my daughter until she dozes off in your lap?” Esha had jumped lightly when he had spoken, but quickly shook being startled off. </p><p> </p><p>He furrowed his brow before sighing quietly. “I’ll move and you’ll have to deal with a sobbing baby.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm, okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night, big guy.” She swatted his foot off the chair and sat down, smiling. “She loves you, you know. Getting her to sleep is pretty hard, but getting her to sleep <em> on </em> you? She’s spoiling you.”</p><p> </p><p>Pagan shrugged as lightly as he could and returned to leaning his head back. “I intended on us doing some more training, but it seems I’m a bit tied up at the moment. We’ll start tomorrow off with guns.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fantastic. I’ve never touched a gun before, so you’ll have fun teaching me.” She hummed lightly, taking his lack of attention to just look at him. </p><p> </p><p>He looked a million years younger, in the dimly lit room, as he held Abha. Perhaps this was what he would’ve been like had he gotten more time with Lakshmana, or if Ishwari had stayed here with Ajay. He looked peaceful, too, as if even in the light of the dim lamps, he was just a sad man. A sad man who also looked <em> really </em> damn good.</p><p> </p><p>She looked at him, and although she didn’t love him, she could imagine a life where she did. There was no fixing him, only accepting the flaws he had, which was perfectly fine with her. She could imagine having a life with him, in which Abha was <em> theirs </em> and Kyrat was a much better place. She could see it, and as much as she wished she didn’t, it was difficult not to look at him and not see a life far more perfect than this one. </p><p> </p><p>Pagan shifted again and raised an eyebrow at her. “Admiring the view, are we?”</p><p> </p><p>Esha’s face reddened and she looked down. She would’ve denied it, but had an idea. “So what if I was? I think I’m entitled to looking at my king as my daughter sleeps on him, don’t you think?”</p><p> </p><p>He chuckled quietly. “Well, do you like what you see?”</p><p> </p><p>“For once I’ll say yes, but it’s the bonus of having Abha with you.” She rolled her eyes at his response. “You’re lucky you have her otherwise you’d just be mildly attractive.”</p><p> </p><p>“You… You think I’m attractive?” A grin spread over his face and Esha definitely regretted saying <em> anything </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not going to hear the end of this, am I?” She sighed heavily and just placed her foot on the area of the chair between his legs, pushing it. “I think you’re tolerable, how is that?”</p><p> </p><p>He raised an eyebrow, clearing knowing that she was just covering up. “Well, whatever you say. Who am I to judge? I’m quite the man.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re about as lovable as a crocodile with bad breath, Pagan.” She snorted lightly, a small smirk on her face. “You lived in Hong Kong before you came here, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I did. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me what it was like. I’m curious.”</p><p> </p><p>His face scrunched up. “There’s nothing much to talk about. Hong Kong, as you may already know, is considered part of China, but they aren’t quite <em> fond </em> of that, if you will. I’m not very fond of my time there, as it was without you -” he snickered at her reaction “- I’m teasing you. It wasn’t my kind of place, so I left. Made a home here. Rest is history.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what was it <em> like </em>? What did it look like, what did it feel like?” She tilted her head at him, pushing her foot against the chair to rock him back and forth. “I’ve only ever lived in Kyrat, and as much as I love it here, I do get curious.”</p><p> </p><p>“It was nice, I suppose. Different. The food, as you know with different dishes I have prepared, was always delicious. You can <em> never </em> go wrong with Chinese food, really. There are always people bustling about no matter the time of day, so it can get quite busy.” He sighed lightly before glancing down at Abha. “Is it safe to move her and not wake her?”</p><p>“Hm, probably not. I’ll help you.” She stood up and slowly lifted Abha off Pagan’s chest, trying her hardest not to move too fast and wake her, but it was all in vain as the moment she was away from him, she started sobbing.</p><p> </p><p> Pagan winced at the loud wailing before standing from the chair. He attempted to offer help, but stopped when he saw Esha holding Abha close to her, gently bouncing her as she hummed a little tune. </p><p> </p><p>Abha continued to sob and wail until she quieted down to little whimpers. Only then did Esha return her to her crib, tucking her elephant close to her side so she wouldn’t be too afraid when they left. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m thankful she’s so well behaved.” Esha turned to look at Pagan, a soft smile on her face as she did so. “Why are you looking at me like that?”</p><p> </p><p>He shook his head, a faint blush on his face. “Like what?”</p><p> </p><p>She raised an eyebrow. “Keep your secrets, then.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s exactly what I intend on doing.” He snickered and held his arm out for her to take. “Let’s go for a walk.”</p><p> </p><p>She hesitated, raising an eyebrow at his gesture before slipping her arm through his. “Thank you for looking after her.”</p><p> </p><p>“No need to thank me, Esha, I enjoy watching over her. And as you said, she loves me, so it’s a win win for us both.” He pulled her along, entering the deserted halls. “She admittedly reminds me of Lakshmana. I know she isn’t so I don’t need that lecture.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t going to lecture you, Pagan. You’re entitled to missing your own daughter, you know. She was your baby, your child. Missing her is part of the job of a parent.” She sighed, frowning lightly. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a parent anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“You still have Abha, nonetheless. You care for her a lot which is a lot more than what I can say for her real father. She will never be Lakshmana, but she will be here. I may not warm up to you so easily, but she still adores you.” She bit her lip as she slipped her hand into his. “You’re my friend, and if anything should happen to me - and that’s <em> if </em> - you will be the only family she has left. I trust no one else with her except for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing will ever happen to you. You will live to see Abha grown into a fine adult like her mother. There’s no need to speak as if anything else would happen.” He waved his hand dismissively. </p><p> </p><p>She furrowed her brow. “Pagan, we’re all going to die eventually. What will you do if I die before you?”</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“If someone kills me?”</p><p> </p><p>“That won’t happen. I won’t let it.”</p><p> </p><p>She fell quiet for a moment. Ishwari’s departure and later death truly did break him. She wondered if he could ever learn to fully trust someone without fearing they would leave forever. </p><p> </p><p>“Pagan….” She frowned, admittedly having tears form in her eyes at his blatant denial of what could very well happen. </p><p> </p><p>He shook his head and inhaled sharply. “Nothing will ever happen to you, I don’t see why you have to think something will. I’m not so careless in ensuring your safety.” </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t want to plague his mind any further with thoughts of her ‘abandoning’ him, so she tightened her grip on his hand and leaned her head against his arm. </p><p> </p><p>They walked in a comfortable silence for a while, before Pagan pulled her into a room that was filled with all sorts of miscellaneous items. He parted from her for a moment and rummaged around some things before turning around to look at her, hiding his hands behind his back. </p><p> </p><p>“Close your eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>“We aren’t playing seven minutes in heaven, are we?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you think being with me is heaven, but no. Just close your eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha sighed loudly before closing her eyes, arms crossed over her chest as she waited for whatever it was that he was going to do. </p><p> </p><p>“You can open them now!” </p><p> </p><p>When she did, there was a wooden box with a peacock burned into the surface. It looked relatively ordinary, but she couldn’t assume it was. She took the box from him and instinctively shook it which earned her an eye roll.</p><p>“It’s not a toy. Open it.” He leaned against a long forgotten table and waited. </p><p> </p><p>Esha opened it and her eyebrows raised. “A gun?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! I plan on teaching you how to use it, of course, but look on the other side. I didn’t hide this from your curious gaze just for it to be a plain gun!” He huffed lightly, eager to see how she enjoyed it. </p><p> </p><p>She rolled her eyes and took the, she assumed to be a glock, out of the box and inspected it. She stopped when she came across an engraving. It was nearly impossible to keep herself from snorting. </p><p> </p><p>“‘Kill ‘em with love’? <em> Really </em>?” She giggled, clasping a hand over her mouth. “You’re such a dork. Should I take it that the gun’s name is Love?”</p><p> </p><p>He smiled lightly. “I’m glad you love it so much. It was a toss up between that and <em> death </em>. I figured you’d like this one instead.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re cute, Pagan. Thank you.” She bowed her head lightly. “I hope you have enough patience to put up with my lack of understanding guns.”</p><p> </p><p>“For you, I would do anything.” He snickered, clasping his hands behind his back. “And I don’t mean that flirtatiously.”</p><p> </p><p>She scratched the back of her neck before standing on her tippy toes, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “Don’t let that go to your head, okay? I’m just thankful you’re looking out for me like you are. It means a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I, yes. Of course, no need to thank me.” He waved his hand dismissively before handing her a holster, too busy hiding his slight embarrassment. “You’ll need this as well. I’ll give you the magazine for it tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did I embarrass you, Pagan?” She teased lightly, revelling in the rare opportunity. “I look forward to learning how to use this.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kyrat will fear just how amazing you will become.” He smiled, but it was calculated, she knew that. </span>
</p><p><br/>“ <em> May your light shine upon us </em>.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Up. Move the gun up slightly, you’ll be shooting the bugs if you aim like that. I said Kyrat, not whatever kingdom the bugs hail to.” Pagan teased, lifting her arms so that they were about where they needed to be to properly shoot. “Your legs are wrong, too, so unless you want to fall, move your feet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And </span>
  <em>
    <span>where</span>
  </em>
  <span> do I move my feet?” She retorted, watching as he took to a stance himself. “Wait, like that? Oh…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Much better.” He chuckled, slowly walking back. “Now, shoot the target. Aim for as close to the center as possible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha wasn’t too confident in holding the gun, so as she pulled the trigger, her eyes shut tight and the recoil caused her to squeal and drop the gun, covering her eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan’s loud laughter caused her to curiously bring her hands down before her face lit up red upon realization that he was, in fact, laughing at her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop laughing at me! I’ve never held a gun before!” She crossed her arms, moving to pick the gun up from the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He continued to laugh before wiping some very fake tears from his eyes. “I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but it was quite funny. I’m sorry.” He straightened himself out before walking closer to Esha. “I can help with this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After laughing at me, I don’t think I want your help.” She scoffed lightly, but didn’t put up a fight when he stood behind her, chest against her back as he lifted her arm to be level with the target. “Okay, so maybe I </span>
  <em>
    <span>appreciate</span>
  </em>
  <span> your help, but I won’t forgive you for laughing at me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You squeaked like a baby tiger learning to roar. It was impossible not to laugh.” He remained where he was, monitoring her stance. “Try shooting now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she fired this time, it was easier. The recoil was still present but the noise was what had originally freaked her out. This time around, she only flinched at the noise. Pagan kept her grounded so she wouldn’t drop the gun and move like she had done the first time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Very good! Do you think you can do it without me, or do I need to chaperone your little trip for a while longer?” Pagan snickered and stepped back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can handle this myself now, I think. But thank you.” She brushed him off and returned her attention to the target, shooting more bullets that hit the target in varying areas, as well as some that skimmed the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan was relatively pleased with her progress. It wasn’t often that you got to see your student flourish like she was. He would’ve shed a tear if he wasn’t so preoccupied with the very thought of her fighting at his side, all heroic and indestructible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How was that?” Esha looked back at him, some part of her sought out his approval despite knowing she didn’t need it as he would let her run around setting things on fire if she so wanted to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiled lightly. “Wonderful! I pity all criminals who might come to face you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will you teach me how to use other guns?” She looked up at him, returned the gun to it’s holster once safety was on. “It would be nice getting to use one of those guns that your guards use.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In due time, Esha, but those guns might not be suited for you if a measly little gun spooks you!” He teased, but seemed to toy with the idea of doing so anyways.  “I can arrange for you to learn how to use those guns once you master this one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“While we’re out, we should do something fun. I rarely ever see you outside of the palace.” She looked up at him, smiling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan shook his head, although he was grateful for her offer. “I’ll have to decline. Unless it’s business - which you will have </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> part in - leaving the palace is not my favorite task.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never go outside of it, Pagan! There’s more to life than sitting around eating very delicious crab rangoons. There are people out there still loyal to you, people like me. Sheltering yourself and leaving everything to your sister and Noore isn’t all that fun, is it?” She put her hands on her hips, staring up at him. “Come on, at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> to go out a bit more. We can go to my old home if you’d like to be somewhere private.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d love to take you up on that offer, but maybe tomorrow? There’s some more business I need to take care of first.” He waved his hand dismissively. “But I will accept that offer. I could never turn you down. I’m sure a small getaway will do me some good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See? It won’t be so bad. You get to meet my mother, though. She’s nothing like the rest of the village in shunning me, but she’s rough around the edges.” She patted his arm. “She </span>
  <em>
    <span>might</span>
  </em>
  <span> like you as long as you don’t stab anyone while we’re there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He furrowed his brows. “That depends on whether those fucking monkeys decide that they will listen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the king. Strike the fear of Kyra into them or something, but killing them in front of my mom is one way to get kicked out.” She laughed lightly, shaking her head. “She’s very traditional by the way, so no flirting or inappropriat -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve had a mother too, you know. I have this </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> under control.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Upon returning home, Esha was a bit terrified to see her mother again after so long. The last she had seen her, she was being yelled at for being unmarried and pregnant. It wasn’t a positive memory that she looked back on for various reasons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A man like Pagan, however, would either listen and make a good impression or…. well, he could make a terrible impression and it’ll all go up in flames. She truthfully hoped he would behave himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha frowned as she unpacked an old ghagra choli she had worn eons ago, before Pagan, before Abha. This was of a lifetime ago, but it was what her mother would insist she wear a traditional ghagra choli, not a simple more modern lehenga choli, a ghagra choli. Hindi heritage meant following some traditions, she supposed, but this was not one she liked. She would rather wear pants with the attire rather than the skirt. It made her feel weak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Setting it out for tomorrow, Esha turned to Abha who had been occupying her short attention span with bouncing. She was a bastard child in the eyes of Esha’s mother, not worth the traditions. She didn’t mind it since they could have their own traditions when the time came. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, come on little one.” Esha lifted Abha into her arms, peppering kisses all over her face, smiling when she heard her squeal. “You get to see grandma again, that would be nice if she wasn’t such a meanie to you, huh? Pagan will keep you safe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Da!” She squealed and Esha practically stopped operating. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abha had been slow with talking, and even though she was at the age to do so for a while, she never did. Hearing a little da was world shaking. She held Abha up, waiting for her to continue with her words. She didn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, honey bun. You can talk a little later, kay?” She pecked her little forehead, smiling. “I’m proud of you no matter what, but please let your first word be Mama.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She placed Abha back into her crib and turned her attention back to the ghagra choli. She figured she could fix it a bit, to ensure it would still fit after having a baby. It was a bit tedious since she had gained quite a bit of weight since then, so fixing the dress proved harder than necessary. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ghagra choli was colored with the majority being blue, but the choli had a series of gold crescents in multiple rows around the blouse. The dupatta was fine as it was, but needed some light mending on the gold hem, and even the lehenga was rather well off despite being old. Among the things she decided to change was the choli itself. With leftover blue fabric from a previous project, and an abundance of gold thread, she replaced the crescents with Pagan’s insignia. Her mother may not accept her ever again, but at least it will be known that she is favored by the king.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peacocks looked good in gold anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time she was done, it was fairly late, even Abha had bored herself to sleep. She was amused at that, but still had much to do. After all, she’d have to prepare to put up with her mother, and her father if he was there. She shot her mother a quick message explaining the plan and that she, and Pagan Min would be arriving tomorrow for a small vacation. She didn’t expect a response back, but she had some packing to do that was for sure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It would be tough getting Yuma to let go of Pagan for longer than a day, so if he decided  to stay longer, they would definitely need more clothes. Whatever was left there most certainly wouldn’t fit her, and she’d rather not spend late nights fixing dresses she might not wear after the visit anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha shot Pagan a text, hoping he wouldn’t be asleep already.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How long do you want to stay?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now she just had to wait for a response, or wait until she had come up with a backup plan for the backup plan should everything go wrong and she needed a way to get Abha out quickly. She wasn’t going to rule out any dangers that could potentially happen while they were away. Her phone dinged.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why are you still awake? We can talk about this in the morning.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a fair point, and a very fair question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I could ask the same of you, Min. I was working on something that my mom will expect to see me in. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked over at the ghagra choli before snapping a quick picture to send to him. She felt like a schoolgirl, texting a boy as if this was scandalous behavior. She had to contain her giddiness when she heard the ding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s beautiful. How come you’ve never worn it before? It would look wonderful on you, you know.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A squeal left her lips before she hurriedly clamped her mouth shut to avoid waking Abha in the conjoined room. This was not something she was used to as Pagan was usually less talkative with her over text, and more so in person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t like dresses, but I’m glad you think so :)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She set her phone down and changed into a pair of pajamas, getting ready for bed. When she returned to her bed, slipping beneath the covers. She didn’t check if there was a response and dozed off. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I meant to get this out earlier so I'd have a jumpstart on the next chapter but then I started watching the witcher and lost some time my bad</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Esha woke up earlier than usual, crippled with nerves, as one always will when faced with the fact that they will be seeing their parents for the first time in years. This was going to go wrong in so many different ways, a world record will have been made by time this is over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gave the ghagra choli a once over before putting it on. It was considerably less warm than what she was used to despite it being a thick, heavy fabric. The mountain palace was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> a place for a somewhat traditional ghagra choli, but she would have to deal with that. Having a mother from India who valued tradition more than the warmth of her children was something she was prepared for with the dupatta. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt….odd wearing the ghagra choli after so long, and just wanted to get out of it already. Slightly uncomfortable, she grabbed her phone to see various messages from both her mother and Pagan. She answered Pagan first, figuring he was much more important anyways, </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ajay is already aware of what we’re doing. Eat your breakfast quickly then meet me at the helicopter :)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart froze, skipped a beat, then she felt like she could die. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>HELICOPTER?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was all she could text back as she tried to contain her fear of heights. No one said anything about helicopters, and even if they had, she would have rather be dead and in an urn before she would fly </span>
  <em>
    <span>anywhere</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, dear. A helicopter. We are not going on a donkey, you know. Gary couldn’t find any. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She snorted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I refuse to go on a helicopter, Min. You know I don’t like heights.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She set her phone down to brush her hair. This wasn’t ideal, at all, and if she fell off the helicopter, she’d haunt his ass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re the one who suggested we do this. I’ll be with you shortly.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At that, she just sent him a frowny and braved the halls as she made her way to the dining hall, not immune to the stares she received from the help and the guards as she walked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ajay wasn’t seated where he usually was, but Pagan was there already and was looking very amused with himself - until he looked at her and his expression went from amusement to pure shock. It wasn’t very hard to tell that he was checking her out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No helicopters, Pagan.” She grumbled, moving to sit besides him with a pout. “What if I fall out, huh? What if…. What if we crash and</span>
  <em>
    <span> die</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Abha would be with us!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan, throughout her rant, sat there with a gentle smile. “You will be </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’ve been in that helicopter many times and I’m still here. You’ll be perfectly safe, I’ll make sure of it. I’ll even hold your hand if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t even with me right now.” She narrowed her eyes at him, but hoped he actually meant it because she might need it later. “I swear to Kyra if anything happens on that helicopter, even a little turbulence, you will die and I will run this fucking kingdom into the ground.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, look at you being threatening.” He was mildly amused by her choice in language, a small smirk playing on his lips. “Where’s the mini me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s still sleeping. I want her to be as well rested as possible before we go on that dumb helicopter.” She retorted, sticking her tongue out at him. “Why can’t we just drive there like normal people?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop complaining. I promised I’d hold your hand, isn’t that enough? Or do you want me to kiss it better?” He snickered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She blinked “Bring your face </span>
  <em>
    <span>anywhere</span>
  </em>
  <span> near my person and I’ll make sure you’ll look like a tiger ate your damn face.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, how I wish you’d learn that threats don’t work on me.” He sighed dreamily, chuckling lightly. “Ok, ok. I’ll stop, but just breathe. You’ll be fine, I’ll be there right besides you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but thank you.” She gave him a slight smile, but was still a bit uneasy. “I just can’t stomach the idea of heights.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I used to be afraid of all sorts of things, you know. Being a kid, everything was terrifying. You’ll one day overcome this fear, and I’ll be very proud of you.” He smiled at her, actually excited to meet her parents despite her warnings and obvious dislike. “I can be your little knight in shining armor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you will be the annoying prince who’s step son is significantly taller than him, but we all love him anyways.” Her smile grew, finally calm enough to tease him some more. “He’s like six foot and you’re tiny.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Says the woman who’s five foot two.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A woman who’s five foot two that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen to adore quite a bit, Mister. I’m too good to ignore.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughed and nodded. “Yes, yes, well, if we’re to continue this wonderful bickering, we should eat quickly so we can leave. Abha will only stay asleep for so long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha was quiet for a moment. “Do you remember when we first met, not the time I nearly spilled wine on you when I was still betrothed to that guy, but the other one?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A frown settled on his face. “You mean the one where you and Abha were drenched in rain and near death? Yes. I do. Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it to them. As far as they know I got out of the storm before it could get worse.” She looked down at her lap. “They don’t know what they did to Abha, and I’d rather they never know. Knowing they almost killed an infant would destroy them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They deserve it, but if it is what you want, fine. I won’t say anything to them about it.” He nodded, but definitely seemed like he might say something indirectly related to it. “They can’t do anything to you, you know. Why not just tell them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because this will be the last time they get to see Abha before I decide to cut them off for her. Something you would call a ‘fuck you’ message.” She rolled her eyes, sighing. “She still hasn’t spoken. She’s ten months old, she’s supposed to be saying things like Mama already, but she isn’t. She’s started lifting herself up and holding herself up by holding onto things, but she’s not really making much progress.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fear that night is the cause of this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> it is. I just hope we can work past this, without having to go outside of Kyrat.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I can have De Pleur do some medical research the next time he goes home.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha noted his hesitance, but chalked it up to the notion of her leaving. “That would mean a lot, thank you. Until then, I just don’t know how to get her to start talking.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you tried talking to her?” He questioned before he shut up, concealing a smile as he turned to start eating his food. “Okay, fair enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a moron.” She smiled and ate in silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They only ate for a while longer, with Pagan finishing first as he rarely ever actually finished a meal regardless of how delicious it may have been. He pardoned himself to prepare the helicopter for the ride. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha had managed to calm her nerves, however now it was time for her to prepare Abha for the fact that she would also be in a really loud, very high off the very comfortable ground. This would make for an interesting situation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abha was awake and alert, bouncing around in her little crib excitedly. It was almost as if she sensed the buzz of new adventures. She was constantly gurgling ‘da’ and squealing loudly as Esha paced back and forth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes, da, I understand, but that doesn’t help me, silly girl.” She tutted, a small smile on her face. “You and I will be going to see your grandparents with Pagan!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dada!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no, oh no.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> dada! He’s Pagan, definitely not Dada.” She corrected, panic written in her expression. “Shh, shh. Don’t say that to him. You say that in front of him, cutie pie, and he will never let Mama hear the end of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dada!” She repeated with a loud squeal, clearly enjoying her mother’s pain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Out of all words you could possibly say, why did it have to be that one?” She bit her lip, struggling to find a way to cover this before Pagan could hear. “Don’t say that in front of him please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dada!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan was already at the helicopter when Esha arrived with Abha, but she wasn’t all too surprised. She was mostly focused on trying to get Abha to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> call Pagan her dad despite his rather large presence in her life. He was not her dad and as awkward as that would be, she didn’t want Pagan to feel it necessary to take care of them any more than he already was if he ever heard Abha call him dad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Remember, just breathe. There’s noise cancelling headphones for you and Abha.” He hummed, helping her into the helicopter with ease. “You’ll be perfectly safe. I trust this pilot with my life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I know…. still just a little nervous is all.” About something entirely different that she didn’t really want to talk about yet, but she just brushed it off and placed the noise cancelling headphones on Abha, but made a small guess that she would realize there was no noise at some point and start wailing until they came off. Babies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan didn’t even bother with taking a seat, or a seatbelt in that case. He stood, quite sexily, on the edge of the helicopter, holding onto the only thing that would keep him from just… falling out. She was admittedly terrified of his confidence when it could end up with him dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the helicopter took to the air, Pagan sat besides her, patiently scrolling through his phone while Esha proceeded to have a crisis of some sort. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She scooted over to him, or as close as she could considering helicopters were nothing like cars. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I hold your hand?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She instantly held onto Pagan’s hand as soon as he gave his consent and refused to let go, regardless of whether he would need it or not. She didn’t hold his hand in a death grip, but it sure as hell let him know how terrified she actually was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan found it amusing that Abha just looked around blankly while her mother was most likely questioning every life decision made that led her here, </span>
  <em>
    <span>or</span>
  </em>
  <span> she was most likely afraid of her parents. He knew it was the former, however, but adding in a little extra details wouldn’t hurt anyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both remained silent until Esha had finally grown accustomed to the hum of the helicopter blades and the fact that she was over a hundred feet in the air. She peered over at the open sides, staring at the trees below with interest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kyrat looks pretty from up here, once you get past the scattered outposts and most likely dead bodies.” She shot Pagan a look when she finished, but had a small smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well, you give a little food to the monkeys and they just throw shit at one another. I had nothing to do with </span>
  <em>
    <span>those</span>
  </em>
  <span> dead bodies.” He glanced at their intertwined hands and smiled. “You should know this by now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You still kill people which doesn’t make it any better.” She retorted, pointing to a barren outpost. “Did you kill those guys?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I believe some of these deaths might be Ajay’s doing. He’s been running around, fucking with the Golden Path for quite a bit now. No matter how many times I warn him to be careful, he always crawls back to him.” He sighed, a small frown on his face. “Worst part is: he’s not even </span>
  <em>
    <span>spying</span>
  </em>
  <span> on them either. That boy will ruin Kyrat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No offense but you did a good job of that on your own. Other than me, the only people who believe in you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>terrified</span>
  </em>
  <span> of you. I know better than that, but they don’t.” She bit her lip, fearing she overstepped a boundary.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did what I had to do to keep this place alive. Sacrifices had to be made, choices had to be made, decisions had to be followed.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Kyrat must not end up in Sabal and Amita’s hands. She is much too delicate to be handed over to such terrorists.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is up with those two anyways? What do they think they can do better than you?” She tilted her head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything, but he didn’t say that. “You’re meddling in my business, dear. I wouldn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire. Perhaps one day I can tell you, but not presently.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>baby</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Pagan. I can handle myself.” She huffed, grumbling about keeping secrets. “Honestly, why even answer my questions if you’re just going to shut me down anyways?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s amusing to see you get frustrated.” He remarked. “You make a cute face when you’re frustrated.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will punch you so hard you’ll fall out of this helicopter.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d miss me too much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Whatever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love you too, Esha.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She glared at him, but said nothing else as she pointed stuff out to Abha who was all but interested in that and looked about ready to summon the demons of hell with the wail she wanted to let out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>An hour or so had passed when they finally landed and Esha was quick to leave the helicopter before Pagan could even </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask</span>
  </em>
  <span> if she needed help getting out. She swore this would be the last time she gets on such a thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother was already there and greeted her with open arms and multiple kisses to the face, rambling off in a Hindi language that Esha had long since forgotten. She paid no attention to the baby in her daughter’s arms and instead looked at Pagan as he hopped off the helicopter, landing with a light huff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this your husband, Esha?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both Pagan and Esha froze, but Pagan had a sly grin sliding it’s way onto his face and he approached Esha and her mother with the biggest grin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I am. King Pagan Min, at your service.” He bowed, clearly enjoying the mess he had gotten them into. “So sorry we couldn’t tell you sooner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes steadily widened. “Oh, Esha! I always knew you’d finally find someone who could love you! </span>
  <em>
    <span>And</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’s our beloved king! How wonderful!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Mother. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Very</span>
  </em>
  <span> wonderful.” She slowly turned to Pagan, giving him a strained smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please come inside! We’ve been waiting!” Her mother chirped and took Abha from Esha’s arms, waddling into the comfy home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha stared up at Pagan. “Oh, you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to regret giving me a gun. When I said that my mother was traditional, I didn’t mean pretend to be my husband level traditional.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh please. You’ll be fine, I’ll have you know that I’m quite the doting husband.” He retorted, shaking his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do anything romantic like wink or even try to kiss me and I’ll shoot your dick off.” She grumbled and trudged forward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He followed quickly. “I’m starting to think you don’t like me, and that really hurts me, Esha.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the smartass who decided pretending to be my husband was a smart idea, so you’re going to get it </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She murmured, not exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>mad</span>
  </em>
  <span> at him, but annoyed. “I’m sorry… just… don’t do anything weird or romantic to me, okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I wouldn’t go any farther than harmless words without your consent. I’m a man of respect when it comes to you and Abha.” He smiled softly before nudging her playfully. “I’m not as bad as I seem once you get close enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m putting a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of faith in you right now, Pagan Min. Don’t screw it up and I’ll owe you big time.” She quickly rushed inside so as to not leave her mother with Abha for too long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan was quite curious, but was used to her genuine dislike towards anything that surpasses his flirting. He wouldn’t do anything, not if it would jeopardize her chances of ever staying with him. He didn’t think he could bear losing her as he had Ishwari. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He followed after her, but was instantly met with a bunch of questions from Esha’s mother, most of which he could come up with a fabrication easily, but left it for her to tell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha was grateful he let her come up with that on her own, despite him being the one to begin this mess anyways. It could lessen the blow of him suggesting being her fake husband. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wouldn’t make a bad real husband if you looked past the murder and the slight issues he had, but very few would actually trust him enough to know the real him Even she had only seen a portion of who he really was, while the rest was hidden by the walls he put up to prevent more heartbreak. Esha could never hope to be like Ishwari, nor could she heal the wounds her absence left him with. She could, however, wait for him to trust her on his own, like a little cat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We figured since the two of you were married, you would share a room!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All respect for him left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I understand, thank you Mother. Does Abha have her own room or will she be staying with Pagan and I?” It was strained, but she was no stranger to pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother brushed over her question about Abha and she looked at Pagan. “You can call me Avanti, My King. It is a pleasure to have you here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, I’ll just go to the room then.” Esha grumbled and took Abha from her father and headed upstairs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Avanti tutted and waved her hand dismissively. “Always been a stubborn girl, that one. I’m glad you managed to tie her and that bastard child of hers down. Basu and i have been trying to find someone willing to take her and that child in, but no one wants used goods.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan felt his eye twitch and for a moment, he wondered how </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> could be a vacation for Esha. “It’s entirely the other way around, I’m afraid. She’s the one who tamed me. And that bastard child has a name, it’s Abha, and you will treat her with respect, Avanti.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She clearly didn’t expect to have the king of all people to side with her daughter and forced a smile. “Of course, my apologies, My King. I didn’t mean anything by it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well, everyday you learn something new. Which room will be ours?” He straightened his posture, wanting to just escape the situation like the caged tiger he felt he was. He wouldn’t resort to killing them unless Esha wanted him to, and even then he didn’t make it a habit to kill on command since Ishwari arrived in his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Upstairs, first door on the right.” Basu gruffly said, more amused by the fact that Pagan had put his wife into place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Thank you.” He made a beeline for the stairs and straight into the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look like you had fun.” Esha teased lightly, sitting on the bed they were to share come nightfall. “My mother is quite the woman, isn’t she?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re related to that </span>
  <em>
    <span>woman</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He jabbed his finger towards the door before moving to sit besides her. “I think your dad and I will get along better than thought.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She chuckled lightly. “I knew you’d like at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> of my parents. I’m sorry about my mom, but everything else will be a lot better, I promise. As long as you behave yourself and show the people you aren’t as violent as they say you are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan let out a grunt and surveyed the room. The bed was up against the wall, leaving the foot and the right side open, while there was a desk in front of the window and a drawer over by two doors. One must be a closet and the other a bathroom. A smaller desk laid beside the bed, with a lamp on it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is a lot different than what you’re accustomed to, huh?” She chuckled lightly before pulling a book out from the bedside table and handed it to him. “They’re pictures, mostly of me, but you’ll find some other things in here. I wasn’t always the vaguely threatening woman I am today, you know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He chuckled and flipped the book open, looking over some of the pages. “You were a fat baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was filled with love, excuse you.” She remarked, sticking her tongue out at him. “I bet you were a fat baby too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatever you say, dear.” He rolled his eyes and continued looking through all the photos, stopping when he found a particular one. “This is the classical Bharatanatyam dance, yes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. I used to be a dancer, but my knees aren’t what they used to be. I had to quit when I was pregnant with Abha, mostly because I had gotten pregnant </span>
  <em>
    <span>before</span>
  </em>
  <span> marriage which was already a bit of an issue.” She flipped the page and pointed at a picture of her in full outfit. “I always thought I was the best, then the moment I was pregnant, I was the worst dancer they had ever seen and wanted to get rid of me. Good times, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could point those people out and I can take care of them, you know.” He murmured, relatively open to resorting to murder if he needed to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gasped and whacked his arm. “You will </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>! I appreciate your offer, though, and will keep it in mind if I ever need it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. I’d hate for you to waste the opportunity.” He smiled, then returned the book to her hands. “Where’s Abha?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the room next door, she’ll be fine. Dinner will be served in a few hours and then off to bed. This place isn’t safe for spoiled rotten kings.” She ruffled his hair and shoved the book back into the drawer before turning to look at him. “Which side of the bed do you want? I’m not booting either of us to the floor, so we might as well share.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take the corner, I suppose.” He smirked lightly at her ruffling his hair, finding it quite amusing how she had done it with such ease. “So now you’re all willing to play my wife?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Willing is overestimating how much I want this facade to be over, but sure. It’ll be interesting to be fake married to you, </span>
  <em>
    <span>honey</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She retorted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They continued to bicker playfully and talk about Esha’s life before she came to stay with Pagan permanently when they were called down to dinner. Pagan was down before Esha who had gone to retrieve Abha. When they joined him, however, it was clear Avanti was not excited that she was there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for the meal, Mother.” Esha bowed her head respectively, but the tension revealed there was no respect. “How have you been, Father?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Suffering. Your mother wouldn’t stop nagging me about you.” He retorted, ignoring the glare he had received from Avanti. “It’s good you found someone who doesn’t make every day a living hell for you, Esha.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Debatable. “Thank you, Father, he tries not to be a nuisance.” She snickered playfully, nudging the man besides her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abha reached out for Pagan, clutching his sleeve as she tried to get over to him. Then it happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dada!”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>god</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>expect updates every two days unless im dead also i envision pagan still having issues with the past and having abandonment issues due to how Ishwari left.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pagan sat on his side of the bed with mild amusement in his eyes as he watched Esha freak out about the events that had occurred over dinner. He didn’t mind Abha calling him Dada, in fact, it felt good to feel needed and important like that. It was different than being needed as a king.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you <em> see </em> their faces? They’re going to kill me.” She whined, falling face first onto the bed beside Pagan. “They both see her as a bastard. They’ll think I forced you into caring for her. This did <em> not </em> go well!”</p><p> </p><p>“You care a lot about what they think about her, don’t you?” He raised an eyebrow. “Whether they call her a bastard or not, what matters is that you love her.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t even right now. I need time to cry.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, cry on your side of the bed, I’m tired.” He grumbled, moving her to the side so he could slip beneath the covers. “Try not to wake me while you have a crisis.”</p><p> </p><p>“I really value your help right now, thank you for such wisdom, you ass.” She followed after him and pulled the sheets up to her chin. “It’s cold.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you tried being warm?” </p><p> </p><p>“You’ve had too much wine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Only a little.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thought so.”</p><p> </p><p>Pagan let out a snort, but rolled onto his side, with his back towards her as he quickly fell asleep. It was not so easy for Esha as it was with him, mostly because her mind was focused on the fact that Abha had called <em> him </em> her father. </p><p> </p><p>She rolled onto her side, turning to look at his back. He took the surprise a lot better than her parents did, that’s for sure. She thought it had something to do with Lakshmana, but never got the chance to ask due to the fact that he was too busy trying not to laugh throughout the entirety of the meal. </p><p> </p><p>Esha, rather frustratingly, stayed awake throughout the night, trying to go to sleep without tossing and turning. She didn’t want to wake Pagan, so by the next time she had the chance to check her phone, it was ten after twelve in the morning. She groaned. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t…. don’t go….”</p><p> </p><p>She turned her head to look at Pagan, brow raised. </p><p> </p><p>“I-Ishwari…. S-stay…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“E-Esha….. d-don’t…. S-stay…. please.”</p><p> </p><p>She frowned, sitting up as she leaned over him, to see if he was awake only to find that he was fast asleep, face contorted in obvious displeasure. She never knew him to be one plagued with nightmares, but she never made it a habit to sleep besides him either, so she realized there was much he had kept from her. </p><p> </p><p>He continued to murmur, switching between her and Ishwari, but always asking for them to stay. His face shifted every once and awhile but it always remained pained, fearful of whatever plagued his dreams. </p><p> </p><p>Esha hesitated in waking him for a moment, worried that he would hurt himself. When she was sure his nightmare was only to get worse, she did the only thing that came to mind and whacked him - as delicately as she could, despite hitting him regardless, mind you.</p><p> </p><p>He jolted awake and cursed, but his words were slurred as he tried to register just what had happened. He moved to sit up, but found that Esha was leaning over him. </p><p> </p><p>“I am admittedly terrified. Did you hit me?” </p><p> </p><p>She shot backwards, immediately getting as far away from his as the bed would allow. Her face felt warmer than Kyrati summers and she was certain he could see it. “You were having a nightmare..”</p><p> </p><p>He seemed to register what she had said before running a hand through his messy hair. “No, I wasn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“You <em> definitely </em> had a nightmare. You were calling for Ishwari.” She left the part where he called for her as well, figuring he wouldn’t continue to deny it if she had mentioned that. </p><p> </p><p>He paused. “No I wasn’t.”</p><p>“Pagan, what are you hiding? You know I’d never hurt you, you <em> can </em> trust me, you know that right?” She leaned forward, reaching for his hand that he seemed quite hesitant to allow her to touch. “You also called for me, too. What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>He furrowed his brow and laid back down, staring up at the ceiling with a frustrated expression. “Why does it matter?”</p><p> </p><p>“I care about you, you know. A lot more than you seem to think, and sure, I may be playing your wife, but there’s no one else I’d want who can play my fake husband and fit the role.” She laid beside him, giving his hand a light squeeze. “It matters because you’re the greatest person to ever enter my life and Abha calls you her dad, so we’re in this for the long run.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing you should worry about, Esha. I can handle it myself.” He shook his head and sighed heavily. “I appreciate your concern.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not stupid, Pagan Min. Do you think I’m deaf to the words Yuma says to you? How she says Ishwari’s departure left you broken? I’m no fool, Pagan. I’m not some numb trophy that sits at your side, waiting for you to speak to me.” She looked at him, moving to lean over him to force him to meet her gaze. “You’re hurting, even after so long, you hurt and you’re trying to bury it. It won’t help you, trust me.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you know of my pain, Esha?” He whispered, staring up at her with his dark eyes. They were normally filled with the dangerous intent of murder, were filled with something sad. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you think I didn’t love Abha’s father? You and I are one in the same once you think about it.” She smiled softly, wondering just why she had never stopped to pay more attention to the signs of his suffering. “I can’t fix you, I can’t pretend you’re okay when I know you aren’t. I will always worry for you, even when you make it very clear that you don’t need my worry.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re like a doting mother, worried for her son.” He rolled his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“I was thinking more of a doting wife, worried for her husband.” She retorted, smiling down at him. “You don’t need to tell me what’s wrong, but when you’re ready to, I’m here for you. I may not offer you what you might need, but I can offer you all that I can.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why…?” He murmured, looking up at her. “I’ve been nothing but a pest to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but you’re my pest, and also my king, so there isn’t much I can do about it.” She snickered lightly before raising an eyebrow at him. “It would be foolish of me to say that I think of you as my friend, but I’ve got too much pride to say I could imagine us as being more. You were never <em> just </em> a pest, nor were you ever <em> just </em> my king.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then enlighten me, what more am I, if not your pest and your king?” He whispered, eyes betraying just what he hoped for the moment they flicked down to her lips. “What more could I be for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“For starters, you’re my hero. Swooping in to save the day when no one else would.” She replied, biting her lip when she had registered where his eyes had fallen. “You don’t need to be anything more than you already are, for me. You do all of these things to keep me with you, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have no idea what you mean.” He scoffed lightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. Coming all this way to spend some time with me, volunteering to be my husband? Let’s not forget the best room you gave me, the gun, the training, the many gifts you shower Abha and I with. Need I go on, or have I made me point clear?” She questioned innocently, returning to lay beside him. </p><p> </p><p>He was silent for a moment. “You’re picking me apart, aren’t you? I suppose so you can say I did all that to make sure you knew how much you were needed here, with me. Or, you could be looking too far into things.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve known you for <em> ages </em> . You deflect when you don’t want to answer something. You <em> always </em> deflect. You know you won’t lose me, I’ll be here at your side until I die which won’t be anytime soon, I can promise you that.” She sighed softly. “Ishwari left to protect Ajay, remember that. You didn’t do anything wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t protect her, or Lakshmana.” He rolled onto his back again, staring up at the ceiling. “She was shot in the head, you know. I never even had the chance to get to her before she was gone. I remember screaming bloody murder, but nothing would bring her back. Nothing could take back what was stolen.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha held onto his hand tightly, shutting her eyes tightly. She couldn’t imagine what seeing such a scene was like, but she knew all she could offer him now was an ear to listen. </p><p> </p><p>“I barely had the chance to grieve when Ishwari had left with Ajay, and some part of me wanted to hate her for it.” He continued, turning to look at her. “I have done a great many things, all of them varying. I have been a cruel king, but I have not been like Sabal or Amita. But one thing I have done, was never tell her how much she meant to me.”</p><p> </p><p>That reminded her of what he had said about men loving only when there was too much distance, and suddenly it made sense. He didn’t realize how much he had loved her, until she was gone forever. She bit her lip before scooting closer, making sure he didn’t suspect too much.</p><p> </p><p>“I loved a woman who would never know I loved her, and now I fear I love another who will despise me for it.” He murmured, jaw clenching when he finished. “We should get back to sleep. I’d rather not be sleep deprived.”</p><p> </p><p>She laid there, contemplating everything, including her next moves. She placed a hand on his shoulder, gaining his attention as he was mid rolling over. She couldn’t be so certain that he would appreciate her next action, but she would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t feel anything for the broken man who presented himself as more than an annoying, narcissistic fool. </p><p> </p><p>Esha leaned down and pressed her lips against his, keeping the kiss short. </p><p> </p><p>“I could never despise you.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Esha had gotten quite a bit of sleep after that and woke up feeling giddy, a lot more than she usually was after getting a good night sleep. She changed into something more comfortable, but was less traditional, and headed downstairs where the sound of childish giggling led her to Pagan, Abha, and her father.</p><p> </p><p>“So, no one thought of waking me or is this a cult meeting plotting my demise?” She snorted lightly and sat beside Pagan and Abha, mostly doing so out of habit and comfort. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes. We were planning to kill you with orange juice and pancakes.” Basu rolled his eyes. “Your mother left for the market, if that’s what you’re wondering. I’ve got some work later, but other than that don’t burn the house down and you two will be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I was <em> so </em> looking forward to setting everything on fire. There goes my plans for the day.” She rolled her eyes lightly, but understood. “I planned on showing Pagan around anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” Pagan raised an eyebrow at her, but bit back the need to say more for the sake of her father being there. “Well, it’s nice to know we have plans.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing too big that requires you to be babied the entire way, <em> Your Majesty </em>, just some small things like nice places to go and whatnot.” She reached for the bowl of fruit on the table, grabbing an apple. “Did Abha eat?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. She ate practically everything we gave her.” Pagan nodded. </p><p> </p><p>“And tried to eat his fingers too. She’s a biter, that one.” Basu chimed in, a small smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>Esha looked at Abha. “Sounds about right.” She shrugged, nodding. “Can you watch Abha while I take Pagan out? We’ll be back before you have to work.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course. Now run along you two, go have fun or whatever it is kids these days do.” He waved his hand dismissively.</p><p> </p><p>Esha grinned and grabbed Pagan’s hand, leading him outside. She clearly had plans of what they could do throughout their stay here, and it was understood that Pagan would do them regardless. </p><p> </p><p>“Are we not going to talk about last night?” He raised an eyebrow, hoping she would give him more than that chaste kiss offered. </p><p> </p><p>She looked back at him, thinking. “Nope! Now, come on. There’s a place I want to show you. It involves some hiking though, so apologies for that.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Have you <em> seen </em> me? I am not in shape for <em> hiking </em>.” He gestured to his current attire before raising an eyebrow at her. “I don’t look good in substandard clothing.” </p><p> </p><p>“So, you won’t wear shorts but you’ll wear spandex when training?” She crossed her arms, recalling the spandex shorts he wore that cut off at the knees. </p><p> </p><p>He shrugged. “They make my ass look good.” </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t decide whether I should be ashamed of the fact that I <em> agree </em> with you, or that you’re so far up your own ass you’re willing to wear suits on a hike.” She retorted, but didn’t complain any further as she walked.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for listening to me last night, ramble on with that foolish nonsense and all that.” He cleared his throat. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s not foolish and it isn’t nonsense, Pagan. You’re foolish for thinking so, but I’m glad you shared what you did.” She looked back at him and offered him her hand. “The only foolish thing you’ve ever said was telling me spandex made your ass look good.”</p><p> </p><p>He took her hand, but feigned a hurt expression. “<em> Excuse </em> you, Esha.”</p><p> </p><p>“Your ass always looks good.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, what was that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh? Nothing. Let’s just get going.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>enjoy some suspiciously domestic pagan</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Is it </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> necessary for us to go any farther than this? This is absolute </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What happened to being resilient for your age?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha laughed, extending a hand to help pull him up. They hadn’t done much, truthfully, just climbed a few ledges too big and walked quite a bit away from the small village. She didn’t take him somewhere that she thought he couldn’t handle, but she could be wrong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re such a drama queen, Pagan.” She snorted, unable to keep her giggles hidden. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Over</span>
  </em>
  <span>dramatic queen, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t make it a habit to climb rocks in the middle of Kyrat!” He seethed, eventually pulling himself up, </span>
  <em>
    <span>without</span>
  </em>
  <span> her help. “This is exactly why I never leave the palace. No climbing there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re physically fit, there really shouldn’t be a reason this is so difficult for you. Just take that jacket off and maybe your shirt and you’ll be fine.” She retorted, patting his back. “I believe in you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, but you would </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> enjoy seeing me shirtless, wouldn’t you?” He scoffed lightly, dusting himself off as he grumbled about the whole ordeal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t flatter yourself, Min. I would rather not see you shirtless. You’re probably hideous.” She nudged him lightly, grinning. “It’s just a little over this way, not too far. I think you’ll enjoy it, actually.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My dear, whatever it is, I hate it already because </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>-” he aggressively gestured to the path they had just come from “- is entirely unnecessary.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Pagan</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Please, just stop complaining and follow me.” She snorted, tugging him forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha led him towards a small area that overlooked a vast lake. It was high above the lake, but not too high that falling from the ledge and into the body of water could kill you. It was a view like none other, and it was certainly something the palace could’ve offer either of them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There, just over that ridge is India.” Esha smiled, pointing towards the north of the lake, across the way. “Sometimes, if you can climb high enough, they say you can even see all the way to the Palace of Kyrat, but that’s a lie. You can only see it when the skies are clear and very blue which is highly unlikely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He chuckled lightly, and eyed the water below. “This is slightly anticlimactic but beautiful nonetheless.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anticlimactic? If you hadn’t been such a drama queen, you wouldn’t have set yourself up for that.” She snorted lightly before getting an idea. “Have you ever gone cliff diving?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, jumping from a cliff into a body of water?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would I do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow at him, hands on her hips as she slowly approached the ledge. “This is our vacation. Do things you’ve never done before.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing? That’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>ledge</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Esha. You aren’t going to jump off that are you?” He cleared his throat awkwardly, slightly unnerved by her brazen attitude. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled at him, winked, then jumped from the ledge, squealing as she plummeted into the water below. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan felt his heart leap clean out of his chest when he leaned over the ledge to see if she was still alive. The breath he let out when he realized she was safe, and still alive, was like the first breath he had taken in years. That was a scare he would most likely not come back from.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She swam along the lake surface before looking up at him. “Come join me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha didn’t entirely expect him to join her, as jumping from anything that wasn’t a foot off the ground or his helicopter seemed like something that could kill him. She always teased him about his age despite only really being four years younger, but even then, she worried. He was a walking target. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he did jump, she felt as if not only should she probably be worried for him belly flopping, but also for the fact that he just jumped off a ledge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shut her eyes tightly, expecting for him to belly flop or die, but she heard a splash and then laughter, which clued her into his being alive still.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was fucking amazing!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha blinked, surprised by his proclamation, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> the laughter that proceeded to follow. She didn’t recall ever hearing him laugh before, so she just stared at him, eyes wide with pleasant surprise. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” He tilted his head at her, his laughter dimming. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never…. I’ve never heard you laugh before…” And truth be told, it was as nice as she expected it to sound. It wasn’t the cliche ‘melodic’ or ‘soft’ but rather, it was loud and contagious, but still sweet and very fitting to his character. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked away, biting his lip. “I don’t make it a habit to do so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should. You look good when you’re happy.” She swam closer to him, silently wishing he had laughed a bit more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying I don’t look good when I’m not?” He raised an eyebrow at her, but shook his head. “Have you always done that? Jumping off a cliff that is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, not really. I haven’t been here in a few years, but I used to when I was younger. The thrill of falling and the rush of the water was…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fun</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Then I was pregnant with Abha and I couldn’t do it anymore.” She shrugged lightly, leaning to float on her back. “No one comes up here anymore, so it was a nice place to go with you. This was my safe space away from everything. Now it can be yours, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His smile faltered for a moment, thinking on what her words meant. “You share so much with me. Your home, your food, your bed. All of it, yet I haven’t returned the favor. What do you want? I’ll buy it for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I share because I want to and because I have a lot of love to give. I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything in return.” She declined, shaking her head. “I find what you do have to offer enough for me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And what do I have to offer you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll see one day, promise.” She splashed him and waded around, dunking her head beneath the water every so often until she bumped into Pagan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They swam about in the water for a while longer, talking about Esha’s childhood, and how wild it was, before returning to the homestead. Of course, both were soaked and neither were permitted to leave their drenched clothes hanging inside by Avanti’s orders, so they both changed into some dry clothing and headed inside for some light dinner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Avanti and Basu were both out, with the latter working and the former probably avoided Abha like she was the plague and had only been there long enough to make dinner. She decided she’d eat at a friend’s house which was perfectly fine by Esha.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does your mother always make it a habit to be an ass?” Pagan tilted his head, leaning his chin in his palm. “Calling Abha a bastard child and all that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, unfortunately that is how she’ll always be. She sees Abha as the reason why no one will marry me, and that she’s only holding me down. I trust my dad with her, but my mother? She’d sell Abha to ensure I get married anyday.” She sighed heavily, playing with the food on her plate. “Trust me, she’s tried.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have me now, my dear. Abha isn’t going anywhere.” He assured, but it was mostly to tell himself not to leave Abha unattended anywhere as long as Avanti was present. He wouldn’t lose another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled at that, but focused on making sure Abha was eating. She couldn’t help but notice the way he watched them, but brushed it off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever had a picnic before?” Esha turned her attention from Abha to Pagan, wondering if he had experienced a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of things considering his closed off nature. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so. I’ve been quite busy with other things.” Pagan shook his head, genuinely trying to recall the last time he had a picnic if there ever was one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She squinted at him before sighing. “What other things have you never done before? Picnics, jumping from ledges into water…. What else have you yet to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A lot of things, I suppose. I’ve never married,never truly been on a date, I’ve never actually seen the best parts of Kyrat….” He tapped his fingers against the table, thinking. “I suppose being a better leader is on there somewhere, but you do what you must to keep it all afloat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you danced before?” She tilted her head at him, a small smile on her face that would betray what she had planned. “Not bharatanatyam, but just in general.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He narrowed his eyes lightly. “I don’t…. are you planning something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just the kind of dances I want to teach you!” She shrugged lightly, looking down at Abha with a grin. “We’re gonna teach your dada how to dance, yes we are!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan inhaled sharply, not entirely expecting her to accept his role as Abha’s only father figure. Surprise was written all over his face, but it clearly meant a lot to him when he turned his head to conceal the smile that was present on his face. He didn’t know what to do with that information and redirected his embarrassment elsewhere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not much of a dancer, I’m afraid. Got two left feet.” He shook his head, still enjoying the offer she made. “You can teach me other things, however.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like what? You know a lot more than I do. What could I teach you that you don’t already know?” She looked at him, letting Abha play with her hair as she did so. “I could teach you yoga and meditation. You look like someone who </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs</span>
  </em>
  <span> meditation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should I feel insulted?” He mused, face scrunched. “Yoga? Why? That’s a mom thing that I will take no part in.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? It’s pretty fun!” She grinned at him, but understood. “It’s not at all that bad, some of the poses might be too difficult for an old man like you, but I can find you some easy peasy ones.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Easy peasy</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Really? I’m not a baby, Esha. I can handle yoga, I just don’t like it.” He scoffed lightly. “Meditation is something I could do if I wanted, but yoga? You’re better off doing that alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shame. Meditation is fairly easy. It’s supposed to sort of rid yourself of bad vibes, and you have a lot of those. You exist, but you don’t really live. I bet you haven’t even celebrated your birthday in years, if at all. We’re on vacation, Pagan, we can do whatever we want.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright. What do you suppose we do, then, my dear?” He tilted his head, leaning back as he crossed his arms over his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever made brownies before?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha grinned and stood, setting Abha on her hip. “I’ll put Abha to bed and we can make some dessert! Brownies aren’t too difficult to make </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> they’ll taste delicious.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan sat there, more so confused than anything. He wasn’t entirely sure if he knew what she was talking about. He opted to just sit and wait like a lost little puppy until she came back, arms empty of the child she was usually always carrying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you made any sort of food before?” She put her hands on her hips, looking at him with a raised brow. She knew the answer, but wanted to hear it from him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. I haven’t, but isn’t it a little late for brownies?” He quipped, a light chuckle leaving his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes at him. “It is </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> too late to feel a little joy in your life. Now come on. You’re taller than me, grab the flour that’s in the cupboard to the right and a bowl.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t we need measuring cups?” He questioned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Only cowards use measuring cups. I know this recipe by heart.” She retorted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He blinked. “Time after time, you continue to surprise me and as </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> as I trust you and your intelligence, I highly doubt you will have the correct measurements.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was trained to be a housewife, Pagan. Don’t doubt my capabilities in cooking and baking.” She shook her head and easily started preparing the ingredients to make the brownies, most of which was spent with Pagan standing off to the side. “Come here, you’re gonna do the rest of this why my guidance.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you should really </span>
  <em>
    <span>trust</span>
  </em>
  <span> me with that?” He gestured to the ingredients hesitantly, having been in a house where everything was already prepared for him. “I’ve been known to ruin everything I touch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just because Yuma wants to be an ass, doesn’t mean you have to listen to her scold you. I stopped after the third time. She loves to hate me.” She patted his shoulder lightly. “I don’t particularly like preheating the oven since it gets really hot, so first we need to melt butter and chocolate together then let it cool until it isn’t hot anymore.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm, alright. And Yuma isn’t so bad, once you get to know her. She can be difficult but she’s just protective.” He waved his hand dismissively, watching her prepare the butter and chocolate while she left him to hand whisk the sugar, eggs, salt and vanilla. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. You’re the king and her adoptive brother if I’m correct, but some of the things she says are entirely uncalled for. She says Ishwari left you broken, but my being here kept you from becoming who you once were. I get she’s protective of you, I do, and I can’t lie and say I’m not protective of you either.” She kept her attention on the butter and chocolate, most likely to save herself from the embarrassment of meeting his gaze. “The way she goes about it just isn’t worth it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She will deal with how she feels in her own way, but if she was bothering you, how come you never said anything?” He tilted his head, trying to figure out how to get her to understand that there was truly nothing to be embarrassed by. “You know I’d make sure she wouldn’t do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha paused turning to look at him. “I can handle myself, you know. I don’t need you to protect me.” She looked down briefly. “Her words are not so different than the ones my mom says to me, so I’ve gotten used to it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying you need protection, Esha. I know you are quite capable of doing everything on your own, I just…. I don’t want anything Yuma says to spark any idea of leaving…” He looked down awkwardly and just quickly whisked his bowl. “Admittedly, you are the first person to ever try to…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. I couldn’t lose that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll take a lot more than a terrifying woman from Hong Kong who just so happens to run the Durgesh prison to get me to leave.” She rolled her eyes and waved her hand. “Get another bowl and pour some flour in it please, five ounces worth. Then pour in two ounces of cocoa and sift it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did just as asked, but didn’t really understand the concept that was flour, so when he set the bag down after pouring it into a measuring container, he was greeted with a puff of flour to the face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha giggled, biting her lip. “You’ve never even set foot in the kitchen, have you? Don’t put water on the flour, it’ll just make it worse. I’ll help you with that in a moment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re beautiful when you’re happy, you know that?” He murmured, figuring she didn’t quite hear what he had said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She smiled. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself when you’re happy, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the first time she had taken a compliment without playfully shooting it down, so to say he was surprised was an understatement. He stared at her for a moment, wanting to kiss her just as he had wanted to the night before. But he didn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s next?” He cleared his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now I mix my bowl with yours!” She snickered lightly, guiding his hand to place the bowl on the counter, holding him still. She poured her bowl into his before smiling. “I can’t mix it because I’ve got the arm strength of a crab rangoon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come here.” Pagan stood back, waiting until she was in front of him. She took the whisk in her hand before he practically took her hand, helping her mix the batch together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was surprised by the kindness, and rather than just doing it himself, he offered to help. Esha thought maybe it was perhaps because she had done so much for him, and this was him attempting to return the favor? She didn’t know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a dork.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. Lovely to know, dear.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ayy suspicious fluff? obliterated.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“No, no! Don’t touch the fucking brownies! They aren’t ready yet!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, don’t whack my hand and maybe I’ll listen!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t touch the brownies, Mister! They’re cooling off right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha had been scolding the king since the moment she pulled the brownies out of the oven, which wasn’t much of a surprise given his childish nature when it came to it. She found it amusing, usually, but the brownies wouldn’t taste all that good if you burned yourself trying to eat them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned around to face him, some chocolate batter smudged against her face. “We should eat as many as possible so we don’t have to share with my mother.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan smiled lightly, wiping the smudge off. “What about your father?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He can’t have too many sweets anymore, so it’s fine.” She scrunched up her face when he wiped the smudge. “What was that for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You had something on your face.” He clarified, clearing his throat awkwardly. “I appreciate this… all of this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need to thank me. We all need vacations, but we just don’t know how much we need it until you’re already on one.” She patted his chest lightly before sitting down at the table. “I remember when I was a kid, I used to build forts and stuff and just pretend I was some sort of princess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You could be a queen, if you wanted to.” He murmured quietly. “What is a king without his queen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pagan…. what is your goal with this… whatever this is?” She turned away, biting her lip. “I appreciate you trying so hard, but it’s not going to work out in your favor so just don’t, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked down, immediately regretting ever saying anything to begin with. He didn’t say anything as she set a plate with a few small squares of the brownies in front of him. It was entirely awkward for the both of them, and the brownies quickly became major regret brownies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like them?” It sounded almost as if she was too afraid to ask at first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded. “Yes, they’re quite good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She knew he didn’t mean anything by his proposal, or by his subtle advances. She knew he was only doing what he thought would keep her at his side, but it was like nothing ever made him understand that she wasn’t going anywhere. Yuma was right to have said Ishwari had left him broken. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go for a small walk, I won’t get lost, so don’t worry about that.” He stood once he was done with his brownies and headed outside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha watched him go with a frown, hoping he wouldn’t run off and leave her here. She didn’t dwell too much on the topic and just cleaned up the mess they had made. When Basu walked in, she wasn’t sure how long he had been out on that walk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“King Min is talking with some lady with weird hair. Heard him calling her Yuma, I think?” He sat down, eyeing the brownies curiously. “You baked for him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yuma’s here?” She felt uneasy and ignored his next question as she approached the window, watching with narrowed eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, Esha?” Basu sat straighter, clearly seeing the uneasiness in his daughter’s behavior. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked out the window, watching the pair argue. “I don’t trust her. She’s going to do something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha felt cold, but so cold that she could feel herself sweating. Something was terribly wrong about this. Her entire body felt sluggish, like she was stuck in one of those dreams where no matter how hard you tried to run, you couldn’t move any faster than a snail. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt sick to her stomach as she watched Pagan turn his back on Yuma. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt sick knowing exactly what was going to happen to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mind told her to slam the door open, but her body felt like it was a millisecond too slow than the rest of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuma held a gun to him, but Esha had made it to the door, faster than Yuma could react to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shouted towards Pagan, her own words falling deaf in her own ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She saw him. His warm brown eyes and then the fear when he turned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It echoed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bullet echoed when he fell. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Yuma ran, ashamed of missing her target, Esha wasn’t even sure if Pagan had survived the bullet until he let out a muffled scream then yanked his hand to his neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She swallowed hard, then cried for her father, for someone to get her phone and call De Pleur and Ajay. At least she was certain that’s what came out of her mouth and not incoherent sobs as she crumpled to Pagan’s side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was blood, dripping from between his fingers. She felt sick watching him bleed like this, so she tore her a piece of her shirt as best she could, replacing his hand with it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“F-Fuck…” His voice was strained as he grabbed at her, bloodied hand leaving marks of his incident from her arm to her hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Frantic eyes looked at him. “Don’t say anything, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Her voice didn’t sound like her own. Riddled with fear and strained by the tears that threatened to fall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“E-Esha….” He tried again, loosely flailing his arm as he grabbed onto her wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pagan, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Shut. Up.” She sniffled, feeling her body become numb. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Basu scuffled to his daughter’s side, dropping a small sewing kit at her side. “Your friend, De Pleur, said to stitch up the wound as best you can until he can get here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” She croaked. “I sew fucking clothes, not people! I… I can’t do that to him”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look at him, Esha. He won’t survive the night if we don’t. It’ll hurt like a bitch but we can cauterize the wound and stitch him up. De Pleur told your mother and I all we need to know to keep him alive until we can get him out of here.” He glanced at Pagan who not once had lessened his grip on Pagan’s wrist. “It’s his only chance.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at Pagan, taking his tightening grip on her wrist and the muffled groans as a sign of how painful it was for him. It killed her inside to see him hurt. “Whatever De Pleur thinks can help him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, good. Avanti! Get out here, it’s time!” He shouted, turning back to look at Esha. “It’s best you hold his head to keep it from moving when we cauterize his wound, and it’s better we have someone he trusts do it than risk someone losing a finger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Esha moved only when her mother had come out to assist, but not once did she even stop to question how she got here so quick, or even why she had the tools for cauterization, but the only thought in her mind was the man whose head was now in her lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought of all the things she had said to him, done to him, made him think. She wondered if it all would matter if he were to close his eyes and never see them again. She was terrified of losing him, the only man who had ever thought of going near a single mother in a world where they were deemed as used goods. He didn’t deserve this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Esha, we’re going to start cauterizing now.” Basu whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, although she hadn’t really been paying attention to what was being said. She kept her gaze down on Pagan, trying her hardest to get him to focus on her. The rest of the world just seemed to disappear and it was just the two of them, suspended in time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay, I promise.” She whispered, but she didn’t even know if she believed it. “You just… you need to stay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I know you’re hurting, I know it hurts, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> you can’t go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reached up, taking advantage of the time between his neck being cauterized, and pressed his palm against her cheek. The blood reeked of metal and felt warm and uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I l-leave K-Kyrat…. to y-you…. and A-Ajay…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t. I’m not ruling jack </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span> without you. You’ll be okay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t much time left for conversation as the moment the hot, makeshift cauterization tool hit his skin. He screamed and cursed, wailing in his bloody sorrows. He grabbed and pulled and gripped at whatever he could, writhing painfully as his screams echoed in the village.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t bear to see him in so much pain so she turned her attention elsewhere, holding onto him as best she could to keep him still. When he suddenly stopped, she frantically checked for a pulse but, gladly, found that he had passed out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The wound is as cauterized as I could get it. You need to stitch him now.” Avanti slowly moved away, heading towards a crowd that had begun to form at the sounds of Pagan’s screams. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Basu had threaded the needle and gave it to Esha, nodding at her to begin the, arguably, second worst part. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her hands shook and she wished Pagan would just grab them and steady her, but that was far from happening and if she didn’t do this, he’d bleed out and she’d lose him for all eternity. So, she took everything she had in her and willed herself to be steady as the needle pierced his skin. Not too accustomed with surgical stitching, she did her best to make sure it was enough to keep his wound together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She just about passed out the moment she had finished, having been holding her breath nearly the entire time she had been stitching his wound. She didn’t want to leave his side, but she wasn’t strong enough to bring him inside while they waited for De Pleur and she most certainly wasn’t in the right headspace for it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this his…. pen?” Avanti held up a bronze pen, holding it loosely as it was slightly covered in blood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha lurched forward to snatch it from her hand, holding it tight against her chest. “He never goes anywhere without it.” She didn’t realize how hoarse her voice had sounded, not until her ears had caught up with the rest of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was funny how the very thing he never went anywhere without might become the very thing she would never go without should he not survive. She couldn’t lessen her grip on it, or even set it down, without the increasing fear that the idea of losing him brought.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could this happen?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could Yuma do this to him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had so many questions, but her mind was falling short of any clues or hints that could be used and instead just thought of all the times he had flirted but she had shot down. Was it entirely necessary to shoot him down all that time? She could’ve indulged a little bit, maybe it could’ve saved him sooner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Basu helped her inside, but she cared little for the brownies she had made with him, and just stumbled through the small home and into the room Pagan was brought to. He looked so dead, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>lifeless</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She collapsed under the weight of her grief, afraid that this was the last time she would ever see him above ground. It was a reasonable fear, but not one she thought she could face, not when the only person who really believed in her was the one who needed to just wake up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your friend will be here in a few hours.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha looked behind her to see Basu standing there, but returned her attention to Pagan. She didn’t care about anyone else anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You aren’t really married, are you?” He took his seat beside her, keeping his voice low so Avanti wouldn’t hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat there in silence for a moment. “Mom just assumed we were, and he happily took on that role. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>happily</span>
  </em>
  <span> pretended to be my husband and I couldn’t even…. I couldn’t even see past my own nose to notice </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> he did it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes it takes something more to realize what you have.” He shrugged lightly, glancing down at Pagan. “Your mother didn’t do you much of a favor with making you feel like no one could love you with Abha around.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But he saw past that. He saw past the fact that I was single with a baby.” She murmured quietly. “He was there when I needed him the most, when Abha needed him the most. It didn’t matter what it was, if Abha needed him, he was there. He would lay </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> her, if she was being fussy. He did it all without expecting something in return.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When you love someone, you learn to do things </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> to make them happy.” He replied, a small frown on his face. “Don’t beat yourself up about what happened. He will make it through.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha wanted to tell him how if she just accepted his proposal, he would not have gone outside and would have still been okay. This was, entirely, her fault and there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing that could wake him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Basu left shortly after that, leaving Esha to sit beside Pagan, unable to do anything that wasn’t sitting and watching over him. She was tired, but each time she shut her eyes, his dying body was there no matter how much she told herself that he was going to be okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No amount of convincing could ever tell her that a wound like that wouldn’t kill him, even if he was living and breathing just in front of her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could never forgive herself for not being able to protecting him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please don't be afraid to comment! I'm not too confident in my portrayal of pagan tbh so any tips is helpful!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Paul had arrived at dawn, as quick as he could on such short notice. Esha hadn’t bothered to move from her spot when he did arrive, only when he had made himself present and had men help carry Pagan to the helicopter did she snap out of the haze she was in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome to come with him, you know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned to look at him, thinking about what he said. “I can’t… I can’t go… Not now…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, don’t worry about it. No need to explain. I promise he’ll be in good hands and I’ll call when he wakes, alright?” He shook his head, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I’ll send Ajay to come and get you when it’s time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’ll understand you not being there. As long as he knows you’re safe, he won’t mind. He’s got hands in India and China that can help him. I called them as soon as Basu called me about the incident.” He cleared his throat lightly. “They should be at the palace fairly soon, so as soon as he gets there, he’ll be in good hands.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Paul… we </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to find Yuma. We need to make her pay for this.” She grabbed his wrist, pleading with him. “I want her to pay for what she’s done to us.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It was such a strange word. She had never really used it in the context she had with Paul. She had never used it in reference to Pagan, and especially not with the emotions she was feeling. She couldn’t call this love, but she couldn’t say it wasn’t, either, but whatever it was, it wanted Yuma to burn for what she has done. No punishment delivered would be enough to make her suffer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll find her. I’ve already dispatched some men, but they are hesitant to go against their boss.” He sighed, nodding. “She will be found one way or another and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> pay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I…. When he wakes, tell him I have his pen. I want to keep it… just in case, you know?” She looked down and let go of his wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” He nodded. “I must go now, but you have my number if you need it. Remember that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was gone, Esha realized she hadn’t showered, or made any attempt to wash his blood from her body. His bloody, smeared handprint remained on her face and it sickened her to remember him so vulnerable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hurriedly washed her face from the handprint, but couldn’t bring herself to walk to the bathroom and shower. Her legs didn’t want to work any more, so she just didn’t force it. She wondered if she could just lay in bed the entire time until Ajay came for her, or if she would be forced to be an upstanding member of society while everything crumbled beneath her. There was Abha, too, so she supposed she couldn’t stay in bed </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> day, but a majority was nice. She could do the majority of the day doing nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lying in a different bed, she stared up at the ceiling, void of all thoughts except for </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She was in an endless cycle of hating how he dominated her thoughts, then promptly hating herself for hating how he dominated her thoughts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Abha cried for her, Esha stood and dragged herself from bed, passing by Basu as she went. She didn’t care much else about his worry, he would worry even if he hadn’t been there when Pagan was shot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha, in truth, didn’t know how to react. She wanted to scream and cry, but at the same time she felt so angry and filled with rage and hatred. She wanted to kill Yuma herself, and at the same time, she wanted to hug Pagan and never let go no matter what he had to do. She liked the latter most, actually, but she’d take what she could get. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An entire day had passed until Esha was physically and emotionally able to go anywhere that wasn’t Abha’s room. She was still in a haze, carrying her phone with her everywhere just in case Paul was to call. She was living in a state of paranoia and an overall very jumpy attitude that she might have been mistaken for a deer at this point. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Abha was busy crawling around while Esha watched, glancing down at her phone every now and again. She nearly missed the sound of a rover pulling up, and the sound of the door shutting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Esha!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She snapped out of her daze and turned to look at who had called her name and found that it was Ajay, face smudged with dirt and presumably blood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ajay? You got here fast.” She stood, keeping a close eye on Abha to make sure she wouldn’t wander too far and get hurt. “From how De Pleur made it sound, I wouldn’t have been expecting you until later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was closer than he thought I was, I guess.” Ajay shrugged lightly, brushing it off. “How have you been holding up? De Pleur told me enough to connect the dots.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… yeah. I’ve been </span>
  <em>
    <span>functioning</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it’s been a struggle. It’s hard just waiting to see if he’ll wake up, you know?” She sighed heavily. “I can’t say, after all the things he’s done, that he doesn’t deserve it, but at the same time he doesn’t. I know he isn’t good, okay? I don’t need anyone telling me that I just…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t lose him. I know, I understand.” He smiled softly. “I don’t think Pagan is inherently bad, or evil, but I do know one thing and it’s that he’d do anything for you. He’ll pull through.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I sure hope he does. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” She bit her lip before plucking Abha off the ground. “Come inside. We have brownies. Brownies I made with Pagan. They are good brownies.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow at her behavior, but merely followed her inside. He sat down at the table and played with Abha for a moment after Esha had put her down. He remained quiet up until the brownies were placed in front of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He can bake?” He tilted his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no he cannot. But teaching him was fun.” She shrugged and sat across from him, staring blankly at the table. “I hate sitting around, waiting for De Pleur. I feel like I could be doing something for Pagan, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> just sitting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Give De Pleur a few minutes and he’ll pop up like the devil.” Ajay rolled his eyes, but cleared his throat when Esha looked at him weirdly. “You have no clue what I’m talking about, do you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but I’ll keep your advice in mind.” She shook her head lightly, a small smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They fell into a comfortable silence with Ajay enjoying the brownies and Esha slowly slinking out of her inability to function properly. It was comfortable in the sense that neither was trying to make the other feel better even when it didn’t work. Minutes had passed when Ajay finished and her phone began to ring. It was an unfamiliar number and happened to be a video call. She answered and promptly nearly dropped her phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pagan!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man in question looked like shit and as if he had just woken up with his hair being a wreck, missing a shirt, a massive bandage on his neck, and the look a drunk man wore after too many drinks. He held a finger up towards her, signalling for her to wait. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Néih m̀h hó yíh wá ngóh yīng gōi dím jouh jí yiu néih hái nī douh, ngóh jauh haih gwok wòhng!” He seethed, but then almost instantly winced and calmed down and returned his attention to Esha and now Ajay. “Ah, my dear Esha! My hero is glorious ghagra choli dresses and khaki pants! How have you been?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She started at him for a moment, blinking. “You’re alive…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yes, of course I’m alive. Mostly thanks to your mother jabbing me in the neck with a hot iron or whatever it was.” He waved his arm dismissively, but noticeably didn’t use the arm from his injured side. “And I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>fairly</span>
  </em>
  <span> certain a certain someone would’ve missed me if I was gone. Couldn’t have that happen now, can we?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha didn’t say anything and just stared at him, leaving room for Ajay to speak up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where are you? That doesn’t look like the palace.” He questioned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s not, my boy. One of the many things I’m regretting currently is the lack of doctors. Took a small trip to India. Hong Kong was too far apparently.” He sighed, almost seeming disappointed he couldn’t go to Hong Kong instead. “Beside the point. We all know exactly what must be done. I’ll be home shortly if De Pleur won’t stop being a fucking moron! </span>
  <em>
    <span>But</span>
  </em>
  <span> during that time I need you, Ajay, to take Esha and Abha home and then promptly hunt Yuma Lau down. Assassination is a treason, unfortunately. Sister or not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s not so easy to find. We’d be searching for years maybe. She knows Kyrat and her secrets.” Ajay shook his head lightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But so do most Kyrati citizens,” Esha murmured, “she wouldn’t leave the country if she thinks Pagan is dead. We can use that to our advantage and trick her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ever the smart little lady, aren’t you, Esha?” Pagan smiled, a sigh leaving his lips as he watched her. “If you think it’ll work, do it. I’m currently in no place to be acting on any of my own orders, but it’s time someone got rid of the filth that filled Kyrat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pagan? I have your pen, by the way.” She felt the need to say it, almost as if she was worried he’d be upset. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His face softened for a moment before he hummed. “I was wondering where it went. I do expect that back, you of all people know how I value it, but I trust you’ve taken care of it while it has been in your care.” He brushed it off easily, although he </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted his pen back. “De Pleur is aggressively telling me to get off so we can leave and because he’s my ride, I have to listen. I’ll see you soon, then, Esha.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he was gone without another word, leaving Ajay and Esha to think about his words, but neither one of them seemed entirely up to finding Yuma yet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’ll run circles around us, Esha. It’d take a lot to outdo the spider.” He shook his head, frowning. “You should get ready to leave. If he’s getting ready to return, so should we.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s been out for an entire day. I feel like De Pleur should be telling him to rest more. What if he gets hurt? Yuma’s an entirely different issue if Pagan actually dies.” She frowned, immediately moving to text De Pleur himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ajay yanked the phone from her.  “Get your things, get Abha, tell your parents goodbye. He’ll be there, safe and sound, when we get there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I - I…. fine, if you’re so sure he’ll be okay.” She nodded lightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha packed the few things she had brought and had grabbed Abha before making her way to her parents. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Avanti was in a sour mood and refused to talk to Esha, most likely due to the fact that Basu might’ve told her that she and Pagan weren’t married whatsoever. It was painful to know that your own mother wouldn’t even look at you, but at least her father was indifferent about the ordeal, if not a little amused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell him to call me when you get the chance, there is something I wish to discuss with him.” Basu smiled softly, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “I hope you two will live a wonderful life together, and if you do get married, be sure to invite your old man, alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned dark red. “I… I don’t think that is in our future, Dad. But thank you, I’m sure we will have a prosperous life once Yuma is taken care of.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> it’ll be in your future, but it’s funny how destiny works.” He rolled his eyes lightly, amused by her denial. “You should get to him as soon as possible. Don’t worry about your mother, I’ll convince her to relax a little.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha smiled softly and hugged him. “I’ll make sure Pagan calls. I’ll see you soon, Dad!” She waved before shuffling to meet with Ajay with Abha still on her hip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was excited to see Pagan, alive and well, but she was also terrified. How would he act now that he nearly died? Would he still be the same lovable yet annoying king she was accustomed to? She couldn’t be so certain of that, but as she got into Ajay’s car, she was certain of one thing and that was that they’d find Yuma.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The ride back to the Kyrati palace was entirely boring and without anything interesting. Ajay had decided silence was how he wanted this to go and two hours prior had shut Rabi Ray Rana off - </span>
  <em>
    <span>thankfully</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now it was three hours into the drive and Abha had gotten tired of playing with her mother’s hair and took a nap, effectively leaving Esha without anything much to do. Without much thought, she just decided to text Pagan who was probably in no position to answer back, but she didn’t quite know what to text him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>:(</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was something, which she supposed was better than nothing, but certainly could’ve been better. He read it within seconds of her sending it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A frown doesn’t suit you nearly as well as a smile does, my dear :)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Flirtation had always been his strong suit when it came to her, but this time it just seemed to hit different than all the times before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And getting shot point blank doesn’t suit you as well as remaining unharmed does. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tried not to sound so angry at him for what was so far out of his control, but she couldn’t help it. She could’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>lost</span>
  </em>
  <span> him. This wasn’t merely losing him in the streets of Kyrat’s capital, this was forever. He could’ve died had she not been fast enough. He read it, but didn’t answer for a few moments. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You wound me, Esha. I lived, thanks to you might I add, although the cauterization was rather unnecessary. You don’t need to worry about it, you know. I’m alive, and I’m not going anywhere.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Understandably, she was upset about how nonchalant he had made the entire ordeal to be and nearly just left him on read, but decided against it as it would only postpone the inevitable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is everything a fucking joke to you?? You could’ve DIED. AS IN NEVER COME BACK. AS IN I’D NEVER BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR UGLY FACE AGAIN. Quit being such a self absorbed dick and a pathetic narcissist and maybe you’d see that people actually care about you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><span>She didn’t bother with checking to see if he had read it, having already very easily known that he would probably blow it off and make a joke of it. His nonchalance with serious situations was one of the things she despised about him, and she supposed that’s why she wanted to be so detached from him romantically and sometimes</span> <span>even emotionally. She didn’t know if Ishwari leaving him had sparked this, but if it did, it really showed how much he had loved her. </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wondered if he could ever love her that much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In her ignoring him, she missed his question which might have hinted at how thought she felt in regards to the entire ordeal. Which actually might have been a good idea considering he might’ve said something entirely stupid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the ride was silent, even though she could feel her phone vibrate, either with messages or notifications, but she never once looked at her phone. She was maintaining her angry status and was determined to make a point that he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> be so nonchalant about his near death. She, of course, didn’t hate him, she hated his stupidity though. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they arrived, Pagan was there with De Pleur, but he seemed too engaged in his phone, most likely trying to avoid the slight pain that rose in his chest that came with her texts and the lack of texts afterwards. He was not used to being ‘ghosted’ as they say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha stared at him when Ajay and De Pleur took her things and Abha inside. She wasn’t entirely sure what was to be said, especially since she ignored him for the last two hours of the ride. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You ghosted me.” He looked up from his phone, shoving it into his pocket. “Do you always do that when you’re worried about someone?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you always make it a habit to turn serious situations into something to laugh at?” She put her hands on her hips, staring into his eyes defiantly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He paused, genuinely pondering the question. “It’s how I cope.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cope? With </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” She blinked, surprised by his answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Being ignored.” Came the jokey response, but when he saw the dangerous glint in her eyes, he stopped. “It… doesn’t matter. Why don’t you head on inside, hm? I’m sure you’re hungry from your ride.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The resignation he gave her, the lack of fight, was worrying. He rarely ever directly waved an issue off. It was always like a game to him, so his lack of nonchalance was worrying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” She questioned, suddenly and very understandably worried that something was wrong. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. I’m fine.” He nodded. “You should get inside. I’m sure you’re hungry. I, unfortunately won’t be joining you, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She watched him leave before taking out her phone, to see exactly what had gotten him so down in the dejected dumps. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you are upset, and understandably so, but this is how I am. You should know this by now. I won’t give anyone the credit of seeing me feel threatened. And you’re right. Perhaps I am such a self absorbed dick and a useless narcissist, perhaps I am the worst being to walk the earth, but that does not change a single thing, does it? You’re welcome to view me as you wish, but your opinion of me has always been what mattered the most. I’m glad you expressed your concern, but as far as I’m willing to look, I’m the most hated “dictator” Kyrat has ever seen. Many people want me dead. I’m used to it and I’m sorry you aren’t..</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t post anything after the message, clearly getting the hint that she wasn’t going to read it after some time, but that alone hurt more than she expected it to. She didn’t expect his words to be both depressing and so very </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> in character. He never once entirely let on how he actually felt, and maybe that was why he had looked the way he did. Maybe he expected her to hate him. Did he not remember the night they kissed? Or had he elected to pretend that night never happened?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s been in a mood since he woke up. You’re welcome to talk to him to see if it can be fixed, but I wouldn’t take anything he says to heart.” Paul’s sudden voice made her jump and quickly look behind her. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright.” She murmured, turning to look down at her phone again. “What do you mean by that first part?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, he’s been in a rather easily upset mood. He trusted Yuma with his life, I’m sure you would need some time to come to terms with her betrayal if it had happened to you.” He shook his head. “Her betrayal has come with its own consequences for us all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is he now?” She put her phone away and looked up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s in his room, </span>
  <em>
    <span>resting</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but I don’t think he will listen to me.” He rolled his eyes lightly at that. “Ajay is watching Abha, so you’re welcome to go see him. Maybe then he’ll actually rest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She nodded, said her thanks, and quickly scampered inside as she made her way to Pagan’s room. She had never actually been inside his room, so she was curious to see what it was like. She was certain it would be bigger than hers, or any other room for that matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He usually had two guards stationed at his door, but this time the entire hall was barren of soldiers. He probably didn’t know who he could trust with protecting him if they all had worked with Yuma at one point or another. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She opened the door as quietly as she could and slipped inside, but stood in awe when she saw all that made up his room. A wide array of artifacts, some mini statues that only narcissists would have of themselves, paintings, and even photos of who she could assume was Lakshmana. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>homey</span>
  </em>
  <span> feeling the room gave off was so different in contrast to Pagan’s nature, but she knew even he had feel comfortable within his own home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When her eyes drifted to his bed, she nearly choked. He was looking right back at her, brows raised slightly and a very amused look on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” She waved quietly, still standing by the door as if she was too afraid to move closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had a ghost of a smile on his face. “Hello.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now that greetings were over she shuffled over to him. Thanks to how he was laying on his bed, it made crawling in besides him a lot easier. She slid beside him, scooting as close to him as she could, and laid her head on his chest while her arms wrapped around his waist as best as they could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry for being mad at you.” She murmured, listening to the comforting faint beat of his heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was silent for a moment. “You had a right to be. Did you come here to be held or was there something more?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to listen to your heartbeat.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. She couldn’t really convince herself that he was okay, even if she had just seen him. “And…. because….”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because what?” He was flattered beyond compare with her wanting to hear his heartbeat, but was worried far more than he wanted to admit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She sighed heavily. “I don’t want you to get hurt again. I wasn’t fast enough the first time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you want to be here just in case it happens again?” He let out a small sigh, but he found some comfort in knowing she worried for him. “You don’t need to worry, I’ll be here for as long as you need me, my dear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if I need you forever?” She murmured quietly, closing her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I will be here forever.” He shifted, moving to offer more comfort to his injury. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They remained in a comfortable silence, neither party wanting to move and break away from the comfort that cuddling offered. The warmth of the Kyrati sun and the cool breeze through the slightly ajar window soothed Esha into a sleepy state where she stubbornly stayed awake despite knowing both she and Pagan were as safe as they could reasonably be in the palace.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I stay the night with you?” She looked up at him, shifting to sit upright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I’d never say no to you, but may I ask why? You’ve never been one to ask questions like that before.” He didn’t mind her question, how could he? The woman he adores more than he thought he ever could asked him to spend the night! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hesitated. “I don’t…. I don’t want to wake up one day hearing that you were killed.” She looked almost ashamed of herself to be admitting it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was something in Pagan’s eyes that relayed just how surprised he was to hear her words, to hear her fear. It made it so much more real to him that she was upset for entirely </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span> reasons and he had neglected to think that she cared for him as much as he did her. His gaze had softened and he remembered the night when they kissed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are always welcome at my side.” He responded quietly, taking one of her hands in his. “I suppose this means you will need more lessons in combat, if you are to always be at my side.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really?” She peered at him curiously, surprised that he would even offer such a thing. “Even after all my complaining.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you’re worried about someone killing me, I think it’s only fair that I give you the ability to fight back should the need arise.” He waved his hand dismissively, smiling lightly. “I can’t have you living life terrified of losing me, it would be cruel of me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She scoffed lightly and leaned her head on his shoulder, scooting up beside him. “I think it’s more cruel to keep all your emotions to yourself. I like you, a lot, and seeing you get all mopey because Yuma hurt you makes me sad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you are quite opinionated, my dear. I suppose you could say I haven’t been very forthcoming with my feelings, but I don’t think they’re anywhere near as important as finding her and making her pay for it.” He looked down at her, a warm fuzzy feeling dancing around his chest. “It’s not your job to act as my therapist, Esha.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, but technically I don’t have a job regardless.” She rolled her eyes, snorting lightly. “So, how does Yuma’s betrayal make you feel? Do you feel hurt? Do you want to make her pay for what she did?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stared down at her with unamused eyes. “We’re starting with </span>
  <em>
    <span>recent</span>
  </em>
  <span> betrayals, I see. Well, it’s the same as any other betrayal, I suppose. I do want to hurt her, yes. I’m sure you would also like to hurt her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. Of course I want to hurt her, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>shot</span>
  </em>
  <span> you in the fucking neck. But that’s not the point. The point is how this has made </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> feel.” She elbowed his side, craning her neck to look at him. “How did it make you feel?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are both a blessing and a curse, darling.” He sighed and leaned his head back. “I suppose it made me angry. Upset that someone I had known for so long would </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> try to kill me. But it is what it is and at the end of the day, her head will be on a silver platter.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is violence always your answer to things?” She sighed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Sometimes it’s leaving them to Paul and I just sit and wait for you to pay attention to me.” He couldn’t help the smile from her face, truthfully glad she had even bothered to ask him any of these questions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re just a moron, you know that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m the “moron” </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> kissed, so something tells me I’m doing this right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Must I remind you that it was only one kiss?” She crossed her arms over her chest, playfully glaring up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow. “I could very easily change that if you’d let me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who says I won’t let you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was enough to give him a small sliver of confidence to tilt her head and kiss her. It was nowhere near like the first kiss, and was definitely not as short either. When they pulled away for air, it was evidently clear that a lot more would be transpiring. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it's for plot</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>honestly i tried</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a week since Esha awoke to an empty bed and was far more comfortable than she thought possible, and even debated falling asleep again. </p><p> </p><p>She knew exactly what had <em>almost</em> transpired that night and was regretful of it all. Not to say she didn’t love him, but she didn’t exactly see them having a romantic relationship in the near future. She couldn’t tell him that, not without forcing him to lose any sort of trust he had in her. She didn’t want that, she just wanted to love him on her own time, without the struggle of describing what she felt. </p><p> </p><p>Breakfast the day after was quite awkward, and she was certain he could notice her obvious discomfort in sitting beside him, and as much as she tried to hide it, she couldn’t help the slight recoil whenever he addressed her. She didn’t fear him, only what could happen if she got too close to him again. Distance could ensure that she could sort out her feelings without being any more conflicted than she already was. </p><p> </p><p>He noticed. He noticed every recoil, every avoidance of his gaze. He saw it all and internalized it. This was his mistake. He had mistook all that she gave him and thought she had loved him. How foolish was he? </p><p> </p><p>So Pagan Min did what he knew best, he distanced himself and by noon of that day, he was better focused to hunt Yuma. It was all he could do to not wallow in his self-pity and regret ever coming to Kyrat in the first place, but there was <em> one </em> good thing about this and that was that he did not plan to stay king. It was time someone better took his place. He was tired of it all. </p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t bothered to revisit his room since she began avoiding him like the plague he seemed to be, so he took to monitoring the Golden Path and Ajay, intercepting things every now and again when he felt it necessary. They had not seen Yuma, but they seemed interested in working with her. </p><p> </p><p>He wouldn’t bother Esha with his needless conversation and instead opted to taking meals in his room, where he could think about what he labeled as his mistakes and failures. This was easier, regardless. He needed to focus on finding Yuma anyways. </p><p> </p><p>Esha had noticed the quick alteration, as the absence of Kyrat’s most eccentric king was very hard to miss. She didn’t want her avoidance to cause such a massive problem, but it was the only solution when the problem involves a man who has been broken one too many times.</p><p>It had been a few weeks since the two of them had actually spoken to one another, and a majority of their only interaction was lovelorn looks from Pagan’s side and sorrowful gazes on her part. She didn’t exactly help, but he wasn’t doing much either.</p><p> </p><p>She had seen Ajay come from Pagan’s room a few times when the king had locked himself away to focus on tracking Yuma, and this day was no different. She approached him, aiming to see if Pagan would be willing to talk with her.</p><p> </p><p>“How is he?” She questioned quietly, ignoring the looks from the guards. </p><p> </p><p>Ajay regarded her curiously before shrugging. “He could be better, I mean. But he’s good at hiding, so for all I know he’s dying and won’t show it.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not funny.” She hissed. </p><p> </p><p>“Wasn’t supposed to be.” He shook his head and crossed his arms. “He’s a lot quieter, more <em> focused </em> on singular tasks. He’s drinking too, but small glasses. He has me out on a scout mission for signs of Yuma, so I don’t really get to see him that much. You should talk with Paul, though. He knows.”</p><p> </p><p>He brushed past her and made his way down the hall, leaving her to contemplate visiting De Pleur. It wasn’t ideal, but she decided she needed to hear as much as she could of this newfound recluse Pagan had become. </p><p> </p><p>Paul was easy to find considering he was in the dining room, reading a few things. He looked up when she entered. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong with Pagan?” She sat next to him, hoping it wasn’t just what she thought it was that was causing the king to spiral. </p><p> </p><p>He leaned back, brows raised. “It’s been three weeks since you actually spoke to him. The anniversary of Lakshmana’s murder is soon. What else can I list off that is fueling the fire? Listen, I’m not going to say what you can just say to him, or what he can say to you. I’m not going to be a mouthpiece for this fucked up relationship. Just marry each other already.”</p><p> </p><p>Before she could actually answer him, who else should barge in but Pagan Min himself? It seemed fitting that he’d show up the moment she wanted to talk to him. </p><p> </p><p>He paused when he saw her, respectfully bowing his head. “Esha, De Pleur. Great news! I found Yuma. Terrible news, she’s taken over Durgesh Prison. Nothing Ajay can’t handle, but something to worry about.”</p><p> </p><p>Paul nearly jumped out of his seat. “<em> What </em>? The soldiers in there are all loyal to her, Pagan. She could rise against you and effectively kill you before anyone could get to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, yes, I know. That’s not what I’m worried about.” He approached the mini bar in the corner and poured himself something to drink before he sat at the head of the table. “I want her dead, simple as that. Her being in Durgesh has no meaning to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“She could kill you.” Esha blinked, looking at him with warning in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>He tutted. “Not as weak as you think. Turning my back on her was a mistake, but let’s not forget, I put her in that position of power. I can very easily take it away. Kyrat can afford to lose some prison guards and prisoners. We take out all of her little pawns and she’ll have no one but herself unless she aligns with the Golden Path.”</p><p> </p><p>“He…. he makes a good point Paul, I mean, wiping out her pawns <em> will </em> work.” Esha muttered, not expecting him to actually have a plan. “It could work.”</p><p> </p><p>“See, Esha believes in me.” He narrowed his eyes at Paul, clearing his throat. “Of course getting there without getting caught will be quite the treat. I sent Ajay to the prison to see what he can. He’ll be gone for a while considering he can’t take anything too loud and obnoxious.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a death sentence, Pagan.” Paul shook his head. “She’ll eat that boy alive, you know that.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s his mother’s son. It’ll take a lot more than Yuma to take him down.” He brushed it off, gesturing for Esha to take a seat. “But on to more important matters. The Golden Path has taken the opportunity to take down outposts, but with a few convincing words on my part, India is willing to help.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha’s eyes widened. “What? What did you say to them? Or promise them?”</p><p> </p><p>“They requested that I marry someone of their heritage to seal the deal, and well, I had no other choice but to agree. If I am to pass this country down, I must leave it in good hands. I can’t do that if those fucking terrorists are in the way.” He snickered, displeased that anyone had dare gotten in his way. </p><p> </p><p>She sighed heavily. “So, have you decided to pick a wife? Surely she’d love to be queen.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t intend on being king for much longer, so whether she wants to be queen or not is irrelevant. I have an idea on who I want, but she must also choose me.” He waved her off, turning to Paul. “If all goes according to plan, Ajay will be the next king of Kyrat. But trusting a boy with following instructions is not always so easy.”</p><p> </p><p>Esha looked at him, questioning his decision to step down, but never got the chance to voice her question. Paul had spoken up before she could.</p><p> </p><p>“If that is what you want. I suppose you want me to do something about this, then, as well?” He raised an eyebrow. </p><p> </p><p>“Monitor the Golden Path for the week and then go home. I’m sure Ashley misses you dearly. Shit will surely hit the fan and I wouldn’t want Ashley to grow up without her father, you know. It would be too cruel.” Pagan was rather kind when he wanted to be, but it was clear he just didn’t want Paul to be caught. The things he knew would be too dangerous in the wrong hands. </p><p> </p><p>Paul was uneasy about his words, but nodded. “Of course. I should get going to monitor the Golden Path, then.” He bowed then left. </p><p> </p><p>This <em> was </em> what Esha wanted, but now that it was here she was terrified of having to tell him exactly why she had decided to avoid him. </p><p> </p><p>“Pagan, I -”</p><p> </p><p>“Whiskey is disgusting, more of a wine man myself, but alas, wine will have to wait until this ordeal is over and done with.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Pagan </em>.” </p><p> </p><p>The king turned to look at her, a rather uneasy look on his face as he quieted down to listen to what she had to say, although he was anything but pleased with it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em> sorry </em> , for ignoring you for so long, truly. I never meant for it to go this far, but I just needed time to think about how I felt and how I felt about <em> you </em>.” She looked down, having to take a few moments to herself before even having the courage to say anything about it. </p><p> </p><p>“So, how did that go? Did you find the silence and loneliness alright?” He seethed, clearly pissed.</p><p> </p><p>She sighed lightly, but she expected this reaction. “Pagan, just listen to me, okay? I know I was an ass to avoid you, and you’ve got many reasons to hate me, but I didn’t want to continue whatever we were without knowing how I felt.” </p><p> </p><p>“And? What is your final verdict?” He spoke softer now, curious to hear her answer.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say anything while I talk, this may take a bit for me to say.” She didn’t bother with waiting for him to agree, or say anything to disagree. “When I took the time off, away from you, I wanted to figure out how I felt about you. Granted my stupidity in not just talking about it didn’t do me any good, but I needed to figure it out in any way I could. You have done so much for me, from when we first met and you asked for a dance, to when you saved Abha and I. You took care of us even when you didn’t have to. All this time you did nothing but care for us, and I will not lie, it meant the world to me. As selfish as it was, I wanted to be favored by you, to be in your graces. I wanted you to be proud of me, I wanted you to love me as they said you had loved Ishwari. It was selfish and mean. Then you started bonding with Abha, and she liked you. She <em> liked </em> you. It meant the world to me and to her that you would spend time with her. You very easily become the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I know I never did anything to earn your love, but I know what I want and what I want is you. I want a lifetime with you. An eternity at your side. I don’t care if it’s as queen, or just as a civilian. I just want to be with you. When you got shot, I was <em> terrified </em>. I couldn’t lose you, Abha couldn’t lose you. I didn’t care about losing my home, I was scared of losing the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I blamed myself, wishing I had never declined your proposal. Ever since, I’ve been terrified of losing you. Every night I had nightmares and I wished I’d just swallowed my pride and returned to you. I want to be more to you, and I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to be to you what you are to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Pagan was surprisingly silent throughout the entire of her speech and was genuinely surprised by her words and tried his hardest to determine a reasonable and not nonchalant way of responding. </p><p> </p><p>“Is this you proposing to me, Esha?” He raised an amused brow, not letting on just what kind of mess her words had thrown his mind into. </p><p> </p><p>“Do I need to get a ring and get on one knee to make my point?” She crossed her arms. </p><p> </p><p>“That <em> would </em> be quite interesting, yes. But I won’t require it of you.” He chuckled lightly. “I accept your proposal, Esha, but are you sure this is something you want?”</p><p> </p><p>“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have said anything. I know what I want now, even if it took me so long to realize it.” She retorted, more at ease that he wouldn’t get upset for how she acted previously. “So, I call dibs on an unorthodox Marwari wedding.” </p><p> </p><p>He raised an eyebrow. “You can do as you please, my dear.”</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t this your first time getting married?” She was curious, only knowing his relationship with Ishwari and no other one prior to that. “Shouldn’t you be excited?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m about to order Yuma to be killed. I want today to have as much good news as possible.” He found it amusing to call Yuma’s death good news, and it showed in the light smirk he wore. “Hopefully Ajay can get a hold of her and De Pleur can get out of here but it <em> really </em> gets fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you so focused on De Pleur getting out of here? I mean, it’s nice that you care, but out of all of us Abha and I are the most useless.” She murmured, noting the fact that he’d send a fully capable warrior away and keep her and a baby here. </p><p> </p><p>“De Pleur, like you, is a parent. His daughter is old enough to know him as her father, she knows only him. Letting him die would be robbing her of stability and protection. With you and Abha here, I can watch over you.” He responded, neatly clasping his hands together as he thought. “I want you here, not anywhere else.”</p><p> </p><p>She raised an eyebrow, but something felt off. As if he was distancing himself, preparing for something much worse. </p><p> </p><p>“Pagan, what are you planning?” She tilted her head at him. </p><p> </p><p>He was silent for a while before turning to look at her with that same charismatic smile he always wore.</p><p><br/>“ <em> Freeing Kyrat. </em>”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>deleted the author's note because it throws off the flow of my chapters because I'm writing in google docs and transferring it onto here lmao BUT THANK YOU PureOne1 for your kind words even if they seem so simple. I hope you and many others continue to enjoy this :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There was something unsettling in the way he had answered her, but he had left her no way of asking more questions when he took on a call. She didn’t know if what he meant was cleansing Kyrat of the Golden Path, or something much darker, but she tried not to think too hard on it considering his status as her fiancé. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t think him cruel enough to just slaughter his entire nation, but when you’re as ambitious and bitter as he is, she was fairly certain it </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of the question. She just hoped he would stick to being bitter and just leave his people alone. It was Yuma he was after, not his people. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was on the phone again, talking to someone. She couldn’t make out his words, but his switching between Cantonese and English didn’t exactly help. She also figured there were more than one person on the line, probably why he was switching between his mother tongue and English. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha couldn’t stay for very long, she had to go and spend time with Abha, but she wanted to know what he had been talking about. </span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that all about?” She leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turned to face her. “Ajay, for the most part. He’s found a girl, Bhadra. Just like his mother, she is a Tarun Matara. He wants to bring her here to keep her safe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was curious. “And you seem to not agree with that. I thought you liked children.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She is aligned with the Golden Path.” He answered, crossing his arms behind his back. “Ajay wishes to bring a fourteen year old terrorist into my home. Who knows what she’ll try to do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s a literal child, Pagan. You’re good with Abha, teenagers are only significantly harder to raise. You just need to be kind. She’ll learn to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> hate you as much as everyone else seems to.” She smiled lightly, amused by his displeasure. “Perhaps you can find a way to spark an alliance with Bhadra, if Amita and Sabal are too far up their own asses to listen to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t tell me you expect me to have diplomatic conversations with a literal </span>
  <em>
    <span>child</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He narrowed his eyes, brows furrowed. “The easiest way is to eradicate them all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The easiest way is to win Bhadra over. Get her to like you and the influence the people believe she has as Tarun Matara may turn in your favor.” She looked up at him, knowing full well he would have to listen to her one way or another. “I’m off to spend some quality time with Abha, try not to die or anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get shot one time and now you’ll never let it go.” He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Before you go, I must ask, would you care to join me for dinner tonight?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She always ate with him, but this request felt different. This wasn’t a simple ordinary dinner, either, it was a dinner </span>
  <em>
    <span>date</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This was something he had never been bold enough to ask for, or maybe he just never asked because he figured she would say no. Esha wasn’t too certain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d be honored to, Pagan.” She bowed her head lightly, a warm smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fantastic! Dinner will be at eight, and don’t worry about a dress, I have that covered, my dear!” He gave her a pleasant smile, one that made her heart beat just a little bit faster.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She averted her gaze, embarrassed. “Should I be worried?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not, my dear! I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> do anything that could harm you!” He snickered lightly. “You’ll see what I mean when the time comes, promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha furrowed her brows at him, but smiled. “Okay, okay. Whatever you say. I should get going now. I’ll see you at eight, for our date!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She liked the ring of it and by the look on Pagan’s face before she had left, he did too. She merely just returned to Abha’s room, ready to try and see if she could get Abha to say another word. Hint: she did. It was not Mama. It was yes. She was disappointed, but still happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a knock at her door around seven, an hour before eight, so she figured it wasn’t Pagan. When she opened the door, she was greeted by one of Pagan’s “helps” who held a rather big box in her hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“King Min has requested you wear this.” She held the box out for Esha, a bit nervous that Pagan would have her head should anything go wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha stared at the box for a moment before taking it from the help’s hands. “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The help nodded and quickly scurried away, leaving Esha slightly amused and a bit concerned as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Setting the box on her bed, she sat beside it as she contemplated opening it. She was nervous to see what he had decided to see her wear, but eventually shook the unease and opened it. Her breath caught in her throat at the sheer beauty of what was inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The dress was purple, clearly made of Banglori silk. It was similar to the dress she had worn to her parents, but the dupatta was thicker. It was clearly crafted for warmth, taking into account the mountain weather. The intricate designs that were embroidered in were surprisingly not peacocks but rather small flowers on a thin branch stem. She, piece by piece, but the dress on, starting with the blouse and ending with the lehenga and dupatta. The dupatta was a bit big, but everything else was snugly fit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She checked the box again, finding a small note from none other than Pagan Min himself. A small smile rested on her face when she started reading.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Esha,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Surprisingly, my knowledge of your heritage is quite low so I called your father for some assistance. This was a few weeks in the making and was quite difficult to hide from you, you know. Such a sneaky little dove you are. A beautiful dress for an equally beautiful woman :)</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li><em><span>Min</span></em></li>
</ul><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She adored his surname more than she’d care to admit. Min was just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>cute</span>
  </em>
  <span>! She couldn’t help but reasonably fawn over his cute surname that would one day be hers if they were to marry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she stopped to check the clock, it was seven forty-five, and she still hadn’t put on any makeup or even had her hair done. She opted to keep her makeup simple and braided her hair, letting it rest over her shoulder. She had a few minutes to spare and spent some time admiring the dress Pagan had given her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wondered if this was what he saw when he looked at her. She wondered if he saw her as beautiful as she felt right then. Maybe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A knock came to the door, but she didn’t need to check the clock to know that it was Pagan. She stood, approaching the door. She inhaled sharply before opening the door and gasped as her breath caught in her throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan was wearing a black suit that looked more expensive than her soul. The suit itself had floral like designs in it in faded gold, almost like the designs were there but at the same time they weren’t. She wanted to trace them, see where they led, but she figured it would be weird and brushed that thought aside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You look handsome, King Min.” She murmured, peering up at him with a small smile on her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid I pale in comparison to you, my dear.” He bowed his head lightly, holding a hand out for her. “I did not think the dress would look so…. </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span> on you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d say that regardless of what I wear, wouldn’t you?” She raised an amused brow, snickering at his behavior as she placed her hand in his. “Thank you for this, it’s quite beautiful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And, can’t forget the most important part, the dress has enough room for any small weapons should you choose to wear any on you.” He smiled, almost as if carrying weapons in your dress was just like wearing accessories. “They aren’t pants, but having the free reign to pull out a gun whenever you’d like is just as good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow before chuckling lightly. “You spoil me, you know that? Giving me all of this and asking for nothing in return. Why do you do it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All I ask for is for you to stay, and you do. I don’t think you know just how much you staying means to me.” He brushed her words off, not thinking much of it. “Besides, you look adorable when you’re happy. How could I </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> spoil you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying I’m not adorable all the time?” She was only teasing, but the look on his face was </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> amusing. “I’m only teasing you, I’m thankful for all that you’ve done, regardless of why you do it. You’ve always been kind to Abha and I, despite our differences.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow before he stopped walking. “Close your eyes. You’ll have to trust me, but I don’t think that will be a problem, hm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t lead me to my death.” She closed her eyes, making sure her grip on his arm was fairly tight. “At least kill me </span>
  <em>
    <span>after</span>
  </em>
  <span> I get the pleasure of marrying you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan let out an airy chuckle as he held his free hand over her eyes ensuring she wouldn’t peak whatsoever. This was a surprise for a reason. He could definitely tell she was wary of trusting him with being brought somewhere she couldn’t see. When they stopped, she most likely would’ve expected to be pushed off a Durgesh cliff edge. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My dear, if we are to marry, you must learn to trust me.” His voice came from the left side, his warm breath tickling her ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shivered lightly, revelling in the closeness, missing it almost. She remembered the night that it all had fallen apart and she wished she hadn’t had done anything to stop him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I didn’t trust you, I never would’ve stayed with you for as long as I have. You know that.” She leaned against him, wanting to feel the warmth of his breath against her ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Open your eyes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When her eyes opened, she was greeted with a beautiful scene of a candlelit dinner and a wide array of roses and rose petals. To say she was surprised was an understatement. Not even Abha’s father had ever dared to be as romantic as Pagan was in this singular moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was difficult with my lack of knowledge regarding your mother’s culture so again I consulted your father and -”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That smell,” She sniffed the air before looking at him with wide eyes, “it’s dum paneer kali mirch, isn’t it? </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> cooked </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> favorite dish!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow, finding her reactions to everything to be cute. “Of course I did, Esha. It would be foolish of me not to. I may not know much of your previous partner, but I know enough that he clearly didn’t pay much attention to you as he should have. I’m going to change that, my dear.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could kiss you right now, you know that, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to stop you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you won’t, but I think I’d rather enjoy the meal first.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shame.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiled at her and led her towards the table, pulling the chair out for and pushing it in once she was seated. He sat across from her, but in actuality, he would’ve rather sit beside her than across from her, but all in due time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha looked down at her food, surprised by how well put together it all was. “You really went big for this one, huh? I’m proud of you, doing your research and even asking my dad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His gaze softened as he looked away briefly. “You do as much as you can to show you cherish a person.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, we could’ve done this ages ago.” She watched as he poured a glass of wine for the both of them. “We should’ve done this ages ago.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes. We should’ve, but there’s no time like the present, hm?” He rose his glass to his lips, taking a rather generous sip before setting it down. “Now, we should enjoy the meal, hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She raised an eyebrow at his eagerness to try the food, but she merely nodded. The dish was every bit as delicious as she had remembered, even if it was cooked by some chefs in the kitchen and not her mother. She could very easily tell that Pagan had put in more effort than what he let on. It was sweet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they were done, with very little conversation in between bites, Pagan had paused to just admire Esha with all the curiosity his gaze could hold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You never talk about your childhood, I can’t help but wonder what it was like.” He mused quietly, although he too had never once mentioned his own past when he lived in Hong Kong. He was being hypocritical, wasn’t he?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused, looking up from her wine glass. “It was very traditional. I wasn’t allowed to run around and play with the other kids. It was always talk of how a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lady</span>
  </em>
  <span> should act, always cross your legs, always you will marry someone of our choosing. Sometimes it was even never being </span>
  <em>
    <span>enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that’s for sure, but it was something. I always ran off to play in the water, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that why you knew about that lake with the ledge?” He already knew the answer to that, but he wouldn’t care to hear her voice just go on and on. He found her voice to be wonderful to listen to, no doubt the same way she might feel about his voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm! Mom would never follow me there so it was pretty easy to get a break from it all.” She looked up at him. “What about you? What was your childhood like?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He scowled lightly before sighing. “My mother was never in the picture and my father? He was a fucking dinosaur. Old, an absolute pathetic excuse of a man. He deserved everything that came for him, that’s for fucking sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a lot of bitterness over someone that’s dead now.” She murmured quietly, surprised by how much rage Pagan held towards his father. “How bad did he hurt you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s in the past now, it doesn’t matter.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Things are different now. There’s you and Abha, and despite his shortcomings, there is also Ajay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha sighed softly, although she was slightly concerned about his feelings towards his father. “What brought you to Kyrat?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan paused, debating his answer. This was a question he had hoped she’d never ask. “I was part of a cartel, with Yuma. We came here and during the unrest and allied with Mohan Ghale, before he murdered my daughter, but shit happens. I trusted him and he became my enemy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> sleep with his wife, Pagan, so I mean, you would do the same if it were me, except you wouldn’t kill the child.” She was curious to hear more, however, finally getting to hear more about him. “How’d you get the crown? Why don’t you wear an actual crown?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I allied myself with Mohan and the Royalists, then I killed the Royalists and then we killed the only heir to the throne. Long story short yadda yadda, the dashing Pagan Min rises to the throne.” He waved his hand dismissively, scrunching his face up. “And ruin my gorgeous hair? No thank you. A crown would look very pleasing on you, however.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re only saying that just to make me feel good.” She shied away from his compliment, biting her lip as her face slowly warmed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Must I have a crown made just to prove that it would look pleasing on you?” He sighed, although he didn’t seem annoyed in any way. “Especially in this dress. A crown with purple jewels would suit just nicely.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Always the fashionista, I see.” She mused lightly, but her embarrassment was clear on her face. “You don’t need to do that, Pagan. I don’t need, nor </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> a crown anyways. I’m perfectly fine as I am, thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan looked like he had more to say, but brushed it off. “Care to join me for a walk?” He offered his hand to her, a warm smile on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha seemed to toy with the idea, but ultimately placed her hand in his. “My knight in fanciful clothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I prefer </span>
  <em>
    <span>king</span>
  </em>
  <span> in fanciful clothing, my dear.” He lifted her to his feet, letting out a light hum. “And you will be my wife, and if all goes according to plan, I won’t need to be king anymore.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that, actually.” She chirped, leaning against him as they walked. “How come you don’t want to be king anymore? You have everything, I mean, Kyrat? It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> yours! Why give it away?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I’ve found something better. I’ve grown bored of being king of a country who’s always at war no matter how hard you try to fix things. I refuse to spend the rest of my life surrounded by war and paranoia.” He responded, not meeting her curious gaze that yearned for more information. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She furrowed her brow, but understood a little. “What language were you speaking on the phone after you had been shot?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, you’re full of questions today, not that I mind.” He snickered playfully, giving her hand a light squeeze. “It’s one of the languages spoken in Hong Kong, Cantonese. I can speak a bit of Mandarin, but nothing like dear Yuma.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Could you teach my Cantonese?” She looked up at him, ready to beg for it if she had to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps, now, time for me to ask a question, little miss curious.” He teased lightly. “Why do you want a Marwari wedding?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s not so much that I want the traditional sense of a Marwari wedding. I like the outfit I would have to wear and some of the customs, but it’s a part of my grandmother’s culture and you know how my mom is with traditions.” She stopped walking, moving to just lean against him as her arms snaked around his waist. “In truth, I just want to have something simple but still feel beautiful wearing what my ancestors did. I don’t care about anything else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked down at her, warily resting his hands at the small of her back. “As long as you’re happy, we could just elope and be done with it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at him, eyes wide as if challenging his seriousness in his statement. “Really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Esha, no. We are not eloping.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pouted at his near instant response. She would’ve rather </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>had her mom at her wedding if he meant having an unorthodox one. Esha knew her mom would have a brain aneurysm if she knew that she was going to forgo </span>
  <em>
    <span>many</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the rituals performed for a traditional Marwari wedding. She wanted nothing more than to have one of those simple weddings foreigners who got passed the civil unrest talked about. She wanted one of those.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Simple wedding, then. I still get to wear my traditional outfit, though.” She continued to pout, leaning her head against his chest as she looked up at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan, my dear.” He agreed, truthfully relaxing as he had studied up on a Marwari wedding and there was a lot to unpack in a span of what he assumed was just three days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything was just perfect. The gentle breeze of the Kyrati air, the warmth Pagan offered her, and the fact that he had put forth all this effort. She couldn’t help but fall for him more, if that was even possible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She leaned up to kiss him, aiming to thank him without words but…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pagan I - Oh, am I interrupting something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ajay had returned and as much as Esha wished he had just stayed away, she bit her lip and turned to face him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you are not. Welcome home.” She wasn’t a fool to the ‘yes’ Pagan had uttered under his breath that had been followed by a vague threat. “Do you have the girl?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, she doesn’t want to talk to anyone though, and isn’t very happy to be here.” Ajay shook his head lightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha sighed and glanced at Pagan before approaching Ajay. “I’ll see if I can get her to come out of her shell a little bit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she was gone, Pagan had made it a point to glare at Ajay for ruining what would’ve been a beautiful and aesthetic moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you always make it a habit to ruin memorable moments, Ajay?” He questioned, not hiding his annoyance and displeasure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you always make it a habit to send people after your psycho commander?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I take it you haven’t found her still?” He shifted the subject, staring at the taller male with furrowed brows. This boy was aggravating and if he wasn’t confident that Ishwari was watching over them, he would’ve slapped him for that one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. “She was there, but not before making me hallucinate some weird shit. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span> did you not kill her to begin with?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She has a tendency to do that, maybe it’ll fuel your next search for her, hm?” He narrowed his eyes. “It is none of your concern as to why I haven’t done that. My business is not your own. You will simply do as told.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, just because you want to get laid doesn’t mean you can throw me out the wolves, Pagan. You want Yuma dead? We’re going to do it as a team. I’ll get Esha to force you to do it too, if I have to.” He snapped, a scowl on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan’s temper flared, a snarl tugging at his lips, but he happily forced a smile. “Have it your way, </span>
  <em>
    <span>boy</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But careful with your tone. Yuma learned most of her tricks from me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He left Ajay there, returning to his room to think. Whoever this Bhadra was, was going to stir up some trouble that was for sure. Any Tarun Matara in his palace would be enough to stir some unrest amongst the already uneasy citizens. He was far from pleased.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>short but i think its good also i had a major plot twist idea and yeah its happenng</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was the middle of the night when he heard his door open and while he was certain it could’ve been a murderer, no assassin would be foolish enough to go through the doors. He was no heavy sleeper so he definitely would’ve heard bodies dropping like flies if it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> an assassin. Therefore it was not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He heard the door click shut and the faint shuffle of bare feet against the tile - he should get more rugs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bed dipped beside him and as he </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> tiredly lifted his head to greet who soon came to find was none other than Esha. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm? A little late, aren’t we?” He murmured, watching her practically jump out of her skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean to wake you,” She whispered, slinking down to scoot against him, “I finally got Abha to sleep. Didn’t want to wake her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan let out a tired hum in response, rolling onto his side to wrap his arm around her waist. “I can have a crib put in here if you’d like?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to.” She shook her head lightly and yawned. “I know the several guards you have outside her door and in her room will keep her safe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you say so, my dear, now please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>rest</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Tomorrow will be quite busy.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting out a quiet yawn afterwards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan thought she had fallen asleep when she had fallen silent, but was pleasantly surprised when Esha had placed her leg over his - to get comfortable and nothing else, mind you. He let out a small content sigh, gently brushing a strand of hair out of her face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was glad she decided to spend the rest of her night with him, but the growing unrest within the palace and Kyrat itself left him paranoid for what sort of chaos would unfold. Every piece of him recalled the night Lakshmana had been murdered, remembering how similar that night was to this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, he couldn’t sleep. Plagued with the thoughts of a night where he felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>weak</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>pathetic</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He didn’t remember that night vividly, but he remembered it enough that it had consumed him after all these years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her body was frail and limp, and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> cold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blood had been everywhere and stained her crib, reminding him of all the times little Lakshmana had spilled food or her drinks. Only this time, she didn’t giggle or squeal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A single bullet to the head had ruined everything Pagan had achieved, everything he had ever learned to love was gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ishwari left soon after that, leaving him entirely broken in more ways than he ever thought possible. He had lost two very important people that day, and if anyone was to look close enough, he had lost himself too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Truth be told, there was always a part of him that blamed himself for Lakshmana’s death and Ishwari’s departure. He blamed the Golden Path, yes, but there was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> that lingering thought in the back of his mind telling him that she would’ve been alive if not for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had only visited her shrine once. He regretted not visiting more, but he wasn’t confident that he’d stand seeing her likeness staring down at him without having a breakdown. Even so long after, he wasn’t so certain. The very thought of her once lively face was enough to fill him with so much </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lakshmana had always been such a darling joy in his life. With every giggle and squeal, she brightened Pagan’s day. With every cry and wail of distress, Pagan was there, soothing her worries away with Ishwari at his side with a young Ajay. Those days were gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes and tried to envision what life might’ve been if Lakshmana had lived. Some part of him wanted that more than anything, but if she had lived and Ishwari had stayed, Esha would’ve been just another woman at a political event that just so happened to spill her drink on him, not the newest joy in his life, not the person he would give his very life to protect. He didn’t want to choose who he would rather have more, but again that tiny voice in his mind chose Lakshmana. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He visited her shrine once. Then he killed so many people, so many in hopes of numbing the pain he felt from losing his only child, and the only family that wasn’t the ever judgemental Yuma. Then even when he was satisfied, he found that killing was a lot more effective when getting your point across.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made him feel powerful when he did it, but he was no better than the bastard who had taken Lakshmana from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pagan pulled himself from Esha, greeting the cool air with an annoyed scowl. His feet hit the cold tile and he was reminded that he should’ve had a pair of slippers nearby. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Call it paranoia or anxiety, but something in the aging king needed to see Abha, to see her tiny chest rising and falling, to convince himself that she was not going to be like Lakshmana. He needed to make sure she was still okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hallway was significantly colder than his room was, and he cursed the very idea of putting a palace on a godawful mountain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His guards were confused when he had left, but he waved them off as he shuffled down the hall, disappearing behind a cutely decorated door that marked the room as Abha’s. He had been so against the cute decor on the door, but in the end it always made him smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were a few guards in the room, stationed by the windows and doors, to ensure that no intruders would rob Abha of her life. It was a genius idea, really. Only the most trusted guards were here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fetch Lakshmana’s old crib and bring it to my room,” He turned to one of them, gaze hardened, “do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> wake Esha if you wish to live.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he approached the tiny crib that held little Abha, little peaceful Abha. While he was originally in a foul mood for being unable to sleep, it all just melted away when he saw her sleeping. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was not Lakshmana. Abha was breathing and her head was void of blood and a bullet wound. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what the life he wanted was like. Peaceful. Calm. Secure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now in an empty room, void of guards, he peered down at her, brushing his finger against her cheek. He smiled when her face scrunched and she turned her head away. It wasn’t his goal to wake her, but at some point she was going to wake and he’d rather it be before he took her to his room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“S-Sir…? The crib has been moved and she has not woken.” The nervousness in the guard’s tone as he interrupted the quietness of the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan glanced at him, humming his acknowledgement. “You may go now. Abha will stay in my room tonight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The guard nodded and scampered off, leaving Pagan with the still sleeping infant. He smiled down at her before quietly lifting her from the crib. She stirred and instantaneously started to wail - he winced at the loud noise as any normal person would. He held her close to him, rocking her as he did his best to soothe her before her cries reached Esha. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He continued to do this, even going as far as to hum a little tune for her until she finally quieted enough for him to make his way back to his room. She hadn’t fallen asleep again and if he couldn’t convince her to sleep, Esha would kill him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lakshmana’s crib was no different than the one that Abha had already had, but the main difference was that it had his daughter’s name etched into it. He could easily cover it up, but he would always know it was there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Setting Abha down in her new crib, Pagan finally breathed a sigh of relief. He could finally trust that she would be safest here, where he can keep an eye on her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t done yet, nor was he relaxed enough. There was something he needed to do before he could rest easy and this something was of utmost importance to ailing mind, lest this entire battle turns to war and he is killed in the crossfire. It was painful, but he owed her at least that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door was red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He remembered that so vividly when he had come here for the first and last time. He didn’t like the red. It filled him with such rage to just see such a </span>
  <em>
    <span>hideous</span>
  </em>
  <span> door, he just wanted to destroy it. He felt sick, angered, </span>
  <em>
    <span>dead</span>
  </em>
  <span> and even as he pushed the door open to greet Lakshmana’s likeness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door shut behind him and he slunk to his knees, staring up at what he felt was a judgemental stare of a one year old who would’ve turned two had she not been killed. Her young eyes seemed to bear right into his soul, picking his flaws apart piece by piece. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On his knees before her urn, Pagan remembered her lively face, her bright smile that was so very contagious. Being here left him vulnerable and he despised it more than he despised the Golden Path, more than Mohan. But he did what he came here for and offered a short prayer to Kyra - even if he doubted she’d hear him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was at ease when he left, despite the tremor in his hands and the stinging in his heart. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Returning to his room and to his bed, he moved as close to Esha as he could, hoping the tremors and the stinging would go away, but this never just goes away, does it? You never truly rid yourself of the pain. You can bury it and project it elsewhere, but it is never gone. It will always be there, in the back of your mind, eating at you, waiting for you to finally snap.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pagan fell asleep after that, but it was not peaceful.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trying to update every two days is hard im so sorry I almost didn't update today because I didn't want to finish the chapter yet but figured what I want to happen can happen in the next chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Esha woke alone as she always seemed to when she joined Pagan. It made her wonder just how early he would wake if he was always awake before she was, regardless of when she awoke. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She was greeted with a note and a set of clothes at the foot of the bed and, as expected, a squeal sounded from the side of the room. Admittedly, she was terrified before realizing that it was Abha. How did she get here? Who’s crib was that?</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Brushing the questions off, she decided to read the note to see if it would offer answers to her questions.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Esha,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry to leave you so soon, as I did so enjoy my night with you. I had urgent business to attend to regarding the Golden Path. I didn’t want to disturb you, either, so I left you to enjoy your sleep. I felt a little uneasy last night so I had Abha brought to my room. Hopefully, I will return before lunch, but until then I trust it that new girl will keep you company. I’ve left my most trusted guards with you to ensure your safety. If anything goes wrong, call me immediately.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>和你在一起讓我成為一個更好嘅人。</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><ul>
<li><em><span>Pagan</span></em></li>
</ul><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She had no idea what he had written at the end, having zero knowledge of Cantonese, but she would save the note for later when she could understand it. She saved almost every note he had written for her mostly because the sentiment was there, and the pink ink of his pen was very cute. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing he had said in the note had given her much of any clue on where the other crib had come from so she pulled herself from the comfort of Pagan’s bed and approached Abha. She lifted her up to be greeted with loud squeals and a very squirmy baby. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>As she held Abha, she noticed that a blanket had fallen from the edge of the crib and as she lifted it off the floor to return it to its position when she saw it. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There, burned into the dark wood of the crib, was the name Lakshmana. This had been her crib, refitted and fixed for Abha when she was to stay in his room.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She wondered why he would do this, if the very mention of her was enough to put him in such a foul mood. She had so many questions for him, yet she wasn’t able to word those questions and even if she could, there was no guarantee he’d answer them. She wouldn’t try, but she would offer him something that would at least push him towards the right direction. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stay safe, okay? Miss you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Simple yet straight to the point. She wasn’t sure if he’d get it or not, but if he did, she hoped it would make his day better.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After that, she figured a nice visit to Bhadra would suit her once she was in something more presentable and </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> glorified silk pajamas that Pagan bought a year ago for her birthday. As much as they were warm and comfortable, she’d rather not spend any time with Bhadra wearing her pajamas.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Esha didn’t get much out of Bhadra the night before, only that she saw Pagan as an evil man and didn’t want to be in the palace. It was an understandable feeling when your country is in civil unrest and your king is…. Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pagan Min</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He hasn’t exactly done anything to make it better. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When she and Abha were both properly dressed, Esha made her way to Bhadra’s room where she knocked lightly before entering. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bhadra sat at the vanity, staring at her reflection, when she turned to face Esha. She seemed so sad. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you feeling today, Bhadra?” Esha approached, keeping Abha - although she was squirmy - on her hip. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Better, I guess. Why can’t I just go back home? King Min..” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Is not here. You are fine, Bhadra. I promise nothing will happen to you while you’re here.” Esha moved to come sit beside her, readjusting Abha in her lap. “Pagan is not as cruel as you think, he will not harm you.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you be so certain? For all I know he kept you and your baby hostage here and now you’re just trying to keep me hostage, too!” She huffed lightly, furrowing her brows. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Esha sighed softly. “I can leave anytime I want to, Bhadra. I don’t have to stay if I don’t want to, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>choose</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stay. He’s made it very clear over the time I’ve known him that I do not have to stay if I don’t want to.” She smiled at Bhadra, hoping that knowing this might soothe her nerves. “He’s also protected Abha, not hurt her or keep her hostage. If anything, he looks at her as if she were his own daughter. You needn’t worry about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“But the Golden Path! He’ll kill them!” She hissed. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Just as they have done unto him. He has done what he could, peace talks, meetings, what have you. Kyrat has come too far for talks of peace, no side is going to win, and I fear his life won’t be the only one lost.” She looked away momentarily, biting her lip. “This fight will have no victors unless we can calm the unrest. We can’t do that without trust.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Like that </span>
  <em>
    <span>man</span>
  </em>
  <span> could ever trust anyone other than himself!” She argued and turned away, crossing her arms over her chest. “He ruined Kyrat more than anything else! He doesn’t deserve the title of king.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No one </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserves</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything, Bhadra. He is just a man, albeit a broken and strange man, but a man nonetheless. Kyrat was ruined before him, you know. He didn’t make it better, but he didn’t necessarily make it worse.” Esha chided, parting some of her knowledge to the younger girl. “I hope you will come to see him a bit like I do. He’s not all that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bhadra definitely wanted to argue, but her stomach did the rest of the talking. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Come, I’m sure you’re quite hungry.” Esha held a hand out for her to take and stood up. “Breakfast is always delicious here. I’m sure you’ll like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bhadra didn’t say anything and took her hand and together, they made their way to the dining hall where freshly prepared food was set out and Ajay and Gary were already seated. It was strange to see Gary this early and also without Pagan, but the latter of the surprises made sense. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Esha took Pagan’s usual seat and had Abha in her high chair, letting Bhadra choose between sitting close to Ajay, or close to her. Bhadra chose close to Ajay and that was fine with her. She had Abha to keep her company on this side of the table.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’d Pagan go? He was gone when I woke up. Figured you might know where he went off to.” Ajay looked up from his mood, mouth half full with food. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He went off to go deal with some guys.” She omitted the fact that it was, in fact, the Golden Path to save Bhadra the notion that Pagan might be killing her friends. “He should be back around lunch time, or before if he gets what he wants done. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanted to talk to him about something. Don’t think it’s smart to be out and about with Yuma still out there waiting to kill him.” Ajay glanced at Bhadra before back at Esha. “I don’t want him dead, Esha, but they will make him pay for the things he’s done if he isn’t careful.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think I know that?” Esha furrowed her brow, glaring at him as she turned to start feeding Abha. “He is not a good man, Ajay, but that doesn’t mean he is without people who care for him. Abha and I need him, whether Kyra will see that or not is up to her.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What will you do, then? Most of the country wants him dead. It’s no life for you, or Abha. What if he’s not fast enough to fend off an attack? What if Yuma gets to him before any of us can? You aren’t married yet, so you do not have claim to the Kyrati throne.” He tilted his head to the side, as if questioning why she would stay with him and not have any plan to get out of it. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ajay, I appreciate your concern, but if anything happens to him - Kyra forbid that - I will simply stay with my parents or find somewhere else to go. I’ve thought of this before, it’s not something new to me, promise.” She shook her head quietly, although she worried, more than usual, now that she had remembered that Pagan’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>most </span>
  </em>
  <span>trusted guards were here with her and not with him. She would </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> be scolding him for this act of stupidity. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The longer she thought about it and the more she checked her phone to find no response, the more worried she became. Had he been killed? Was he okay? Maybe she should send him another text just to make sure he was alright once breakfast was over. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bhadra had remained quiet for a fair amount of the breakfast which was fine by Esha, but she hoped to get the girl to open up one way or another. Gary was surprisingly shy, too, so Esha didn’t have much conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Breakfast was quick and ended after that, but Esha couldn’t shake the worry in her heart. The worry sunk and set into her bones and left her pacing his room until she practically threw herself across the room to get to her phone when she heard it ding. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Miss you too my dear. Can’t talk long, but I’ll be home earlier than expected :) </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>That both calmed her and terrified her at the same time. What was keeping him from talking longer? Was he okay? Was he dead by now and she just didn’t know it? What if he was taken hostage?</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Why did she have to love him? </span>
  <em>
    <span>What if she’ll never see him again</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It was an understatement to say that she was only slightly worried. Her heart felt like leaping out of her chest every time she thought of all the possible what ifs that could happen if everything just backfired. Everyone wanted him dead, it wouldn’t be so bad if someone had just suddenly seen him without his best guards and just… killed him….</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Call me when you get the chance. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a request. It was a demand more than anything and it was one she hoped he would heed. If he didn’t, she was sure she would lecture him seven ways to Sunday. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Esha wasn’t entirely sure why she was so terrified of the thought of losing Pagan. She didn’t know her exact feelings towards him, whether she loved him or just felt the innate need to just keep him at her side was unclear. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Not to say she </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> love him. She did, she truly did, but she wasn’t sure if she could love him like Ishwari had, if she could be anything like her. She could never love him like how she had, and she didn’t even know if he would ever love her as much as he had loved Ishwari. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Inadequate. That’s how she could describe this </span>
  <em>
    <span>other</span>
  </em>
  <span> feeling she had. She could never be like Ishwari, she could never give him a child like Lakshmana, she could never be loved by him as he had once loved her. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pagan was the type of man to </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly</span>
  </em>
  <span> and very wholeheartedly love once, and Ishwari was that once. Esha was a bleak figure in the shadow that was left behind by her, and she wondered if he could ever love her even half as much as he did with her.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>If she did love him, how could she know that he wouldn’t be killed? How could she know that he would be alive long enough for her to even tell him how she felt? </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart ached to just have him there, to just have him </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> her. Did that have to be so much to ask?</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Esha, for as long as she could remember, had never felt so much fear and love towards a single person. Not even Abha’s father had ever made her feel this way. She didn’t want to be alone, she just wanted to know that Pagan was okay.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bhadra and Ajay had gone out for the evening, probably off to some Golden Path shenanigans which left Esha alone in the palace. Gary would be of no help as he was too shy - or maybe afraid - of talking to her. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Abha had been crawling around her playroom, playing with the toys that littered the floor, when Esha’s phone rang. She looked at the screen and saw someone was calling. It was Pagan.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Pagan, I swear to god don’t you do anything stupid and die on me, okay? I can’t handle being so worried for you!” She didn’t even give him time to respond before she was scolding him. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>She could hear him chuckle from the other side and just wanted to punch him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You worried for me,” He sounded surprised almost and from the sounds of it, he was still relatively busy. “Are you alright, my dear? You don’t usually demand that I call you as soon as I’m free.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I just needed to hear your voice. Ajay said something,” She could hear the disapproving sigh that left his lips, “and it just freaked me out. I didn’t want to bother you, but I just couldn’t help it.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was quiet for a moment. “You don’t need to worry about bothering me, darling. You are always welcome to call and text me whenever you wish.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, but Pagan? Next time you go out, please don’t leave your best guards behind. I’d rather not hear you died because your guards couldn’t protect you.” It was quiet, but by the chuckle she heard, she could tell he heard it. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“If that will comfort you.” He relented, probably not seeing the worth in arguing with her. “You’re cute when you worry, Esha.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t even, right now.” She muttered, pouting. “I just want you home, </span>
  <em>
    <span>in one piece</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be sure to do just that, my dear. I’m glad you demanded I call, however, had something to ask. Do you think Abha would like a tiger or an elephant?” He hummed lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Please tell me you are just talking about toys.” His delayment in answering caused her to sigh. “Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> get her any real animals that aren’t a tiny cat. She’s still a baby!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s almost a year old, Esha dear, she can handle a small elephant.” He teased lightly, clearly enjoying what he was doing. “Fine, fine. I’ll only give her toys until she’s old enough for a real pet.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re doing this to annoy me, aren’t you? Pagan just get home already, okay?” She didn’t want to let him know just how worried she had been, or how inadequate she was beginning to feel. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He fell quiet again. “Of course. Would you like me to stay on the phone with you until I come home?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you tease me if I said yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t dare.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Then yes please. Just until you come back.” She sighed quietly, biting her lip. “Do you think we could have another date night? I know Ajay interrupted our last one, but I want another.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I could never say no to a date night with you. What did you have in mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Depends. Do you want a date night where you continue teaching me to use a gun, a date night where I teach you something new, or one where we do something we’ve never done before?” She bit her lip at the thought, wondering what he would pick. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was quiet, clearly thinking, and in the midst of his silence, she could tell he was still busy. It was a bit flattering to know that he pushed aside his job to just talk with her. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“How about that last one? I’m sure you can think of something, assuming you aren’t already two steps ahead.” He snickered lightly, amused. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever painted before? If you have, have you ever messed with modelling clay?” Esha couldn’t hide the fact that she was excited he had chosen that idea. “We could also get our hands henna tattooed if you’re ever up to that.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I have done none of those things, my dear, but you can choose what you wish. As for the henna, I don’t have any issues with that as long as it isn’t too complex.” He hummed, muttering something under his breath. “I have to go, but let’s continue this when I return, hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, love yo -” She paused, face turning entirely red before she cleared her throat. “Don’t say a single damn word, Pagan Min.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Then she promptly hung up.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>That would be a difficult thing to just explain herself out of, now wouldn’t it? She tried to calm her ever thumping heart, but it was a lost cause at this point. It wasn’t until she saw Abha waddle on her feet for a good two steps before tumbling over did she focus on something else beside her massive fuck up. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>A high pitched squeal left her lips before she swept Abha into her arms, peppering kisses all over her face to celebrate the two very miniscule steps she had taken. Sure, there was a tumble, but she did so well! </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Mama’s so proud of you! Yes, she is!” She couldn’t help but baby talk this monumental moment, and as she continued to do so, she set Abha down, trying to encourage her to walk a little more but to no avail.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Esha did her best to put together what she would be doing with Pagan, getting the modelling clay and all of that, while still keeping her gaze on Abha to see if she would get any further with walking. She was unaware of her surroundings as she guided Abha into making a few more steps.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to elaborate on what you meant when you ended that call?” </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pagan’s sudden voice made her jump out of her skin, causing her to nearly let go of Abha’s tiny hands. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Good Kyra, Pagan! You scared me!” She hissed, glaring at him as she turned her attention back to Abha. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pagan smirked lightly before wandering closer and lifting Abha into his arms. “Your mother said something quite peculiar before ending the call with me, little tigress. Did you happen to hear what she had said?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t say anything. I merely said alright and that was that.” She played coy, not wanting to get too far into how she felt towards him and rather just wanted to wait until she was actually ready to say it. That was not now. Second dates aren’t good for proclamations of love. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow at that, but left it at that. “Now, how about that date of ours, hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, before that!” She squeaked, bouncing on her feet. “Abha walked a little bit! She made two whole steps!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Pagan’s eyes lit up and he lifted the squealing child up. “Is that so? Well, I believe our date will be a celebration as well!”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! I have all the things we need, and, I think you might find this rather fun.” She tapped her chin with a big grin on her face. “Come on. We can celebrate, eat, and be morons for the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He raised an eyebrow but didn’t question it any further, and instead opted to sit on the floor with Abha playing with her toys in front of him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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